(Its about how sad I am,
And it’s really sad, so it’s called “Sad”, It’s about all the sad stuff.
Just picture a depressed onion cutting itself.)

I met a homeless man named Rich (He wasn’t),
Isn’t that terrible?
I saw a flyer for a lost dog and the dog didn’t have any legs,
I saw a diabetic kid trick-or-treating, I saw a giraffe who had a short neck, that was sad...or a deer?

I saw an old man get hit by a train,
He didn’t see it in the pouring rain,
He didn’t hear me shout: “Look out for the train!”...’cause I didn’t say anything.
I just thought to myself: “Oh, this is gonna be sad.”
And it was, I’m a genius

I saw a man with only one eye in a 3-D movie,
I saw a little boy drop his ice cream one directly on his mother’s corpse,
I saw a kitten stuck in a tree, then the kitten jumped off and hung itself,
I saw a boy with red hair.

I went to the store looking for something to buy,
But they only sold paintings of the same sad guy,
No, wait-this store sells mirrors! See what I did there?

LETS ROCK, no

The world so sad, bros,
Pain, genocide, war, racism, sexism,
But I gotta remember there’s good things about it too,
Like the fact that none of that is happening to me, SCORE!
Still though, it’s hard not be sad about it, how do ya’ll do it?
I’ve been telling you, guys, incredibly sad things this whole song, you haven’t been sad at all.
You’ve been happy, no,
You’ve been laughing.
That’s it, laughter! It’s the key to everything, it’s the way to solve all the sadness in the world,
I mean, not for the people that are actually sad, but for the people like us who’ve gotta fucking deal with ‘em all the time.

Being a comedian isn’t being an insensitive prick capitalising on the most animalistic impulses of the public, it’s being a hero!
The world isn’t sad, the worlds funny! I get it now! I’m a sociopath!

I saw an old man slip and fall, hey, what a fucking idiot,
I saw a woman at her daughter’s funeral, ha ha ha! Classic Comedy!
Everything that once was sad is somehow funny now,
The Holocaust and 9/11
That shits funny 24/7,
‘Cause tragedy will be exclusively joked about,
Because my empathy is bumming me out.

Goodbye, sadness! Hello, jokes.