Machine: Hello, patient 24602
Bo: Hi, I'm sorry
Machine: How are you feeling?
Bo: Not great
Machine: Has the treatment been working?
Bo: No, it hasn't been
Machine: What are your remaining symptoms?
Bo: I just- I- I internalize my feelings I just- I- I have trouble artic- like other people and relating to them is just hard-
Machine: So basically you're still a little bitch
Bo: Ah, real mature of you, disembodied voice- up there
Machine: I was just joking, n***a
Bo: We are right by Oakland, careful with that shit
Machine: I'm not human, I can say whatever I want
Bo: Alright, just get to the- what- what's wrong with me? What is wrong with me? Please..
Machine: Your emotions and your logic are at war
Bo: Okay
Machine: Your creativity and your analysis are at war. And most simply, your left and right brain are at war
Bo: My left and my right-
Machine: To fix the problem, we must separate them from each other
Bo: Separa-
Machine: Splitting your neurological functions in 5... 4...
Bo: Just- we book an appointment, we don't just start counting down
Machine: 3... 2... 1... this may hurt a bit
Bo: I don't even know what "it" is- just-
Machine: 0
-Isolation complete
This is Bo's left brain: Objective, logical, cold, analytical, aware of patterns, aware of trends, he's efficient, and a prick
This is Bo's right brain: Subjective, creative, sensory, aware of feelings, aware of people, he's emotional, and an idiot
Right: That's your opinion. Just- careful with opinions
Machine: Okay, boys, play nice
Left: I am the left brain, I am the left brain
I work really hard 'til my inevitable death brain
You got a job to do, you better do it right, and the right way is with the left brain's might
Right: I like oreos and pussy, yeah! Okay, and I cried for at least an hour after watching Toy Story 3
I am the right brain, I have feelings, I'm a little all over the place but I'm lustful, trustful and I'm looking for somebody to love...
Or put my penis in
Left: Here comes a female, here comes a female
Puff your chest out, take your phone and check your e-mail
Our evolutionary purpose is repopulate
So gather data now and see if she's a possible mate
Right: Holy fuck! I think she might be the one!
There's something about her, I just can't describe it
Left: Tits
Right: I am the earth, she's the gorious sun
I want her to trust me, and I just want her to sit on my face- sit!
Left: Alright now, right brain, you're being insane
Right: No, left brain, I'm just being alive
You should try it, you might like it!
Left: I worked hard to give him everything he cared about
You were worried about the things that he was scared about
I'm calm and collected when you act wild
I am the adult, you are the child
Right: You think you're the right one every time
You think you know everything, you don't know anything at all. Half of his problems were supposed to be mine
But you wanted everything
I hope that you're happy, 'cause he's sure not ...
Left: Well, according to my calculations, sorry let me run the numbers again, you're a pussy
Right: Name calling? Really? We're gonna go name calling?
Left: We're not calling names, alright
I'm just stating facts and the fact is you're a quivering pussy
Right: I'm the pussy? Well at least I don't play with toys still
Left: Okay, Rubik's Cubes are not toys
They keep my spacial reasoning skills sharp
Right: Left brain plays with toys! Look at you, Johnny- fucking- toy player
Left: Well, at least I did my fucking job!
I kept him working, I kept him productive
You were supposed to look after him!
You were supposed to keep him emotionally stable through all this, and now you're blaming me for how he's feeling, how he's feeling
If he's feeling unhappy it's because you failed him
You did this to him, he hates you, I know he does, HE FUCKING HATES YOU!
Right: *Cries*
Left: Right brain, look, I'm sorry
Right: No you're not...
Left: Look, maybe there's something that we could to together
Right: Together?
Left: Take the best parts of both of us, put them together
Right: I'm listening
Left: It would let you let your feelings out, it would let me analyze. So you could man the themes, I'll man the form
It's something that George Carlin did, It's something that Steve Martin did
It's something special that we could both perform
Do you know what it is?
Right: Juggling, we could juggle, and juggle our cares away!
Left: *facepalm* It was comedy, we could do comedy together
Machine: Initiate reassembly
Left: Alright, alright, right brain, we're gonna do comedy together, alright?
Right: Alright, left brain, I'll do comedy with you
Left: Look, we can fix him like this. We can make him happy again, I promise
Right: Left brain, left brain I love you
Machine: *counting down* 3... 2...
Left: I know
Machine: 1... experimentation complete
