[Intro: Dahvie Vanity]
A pirate walks into the bar wearing a paper towel on his head
He sits down at the bar and orders some dirty rum
The bartender asks, "Why are you wearing a paper towel?"
"Argh!" says the pirate, "I've got a bounty on my head!"

[Chorus: Dahvie Vanity & Fallon Vendetta]
I didn't choose the pirate life
The pirate life chose me
I didn't choose the pirate life
The pirate life chose me
With a "Yo ho!", bottle rum we go
Wenches in the background, there she blows
Shots fired, anchors aweigh
Party like a pirate, seize the day

[Verse 1: Dahvie Vanity]
Captain D on the mic
Prepare the sails, ready the crew
May your anchor be tight, your cork be loose
Your rum be spiced, your compass be true
Tony Montana and I just kill for fun
I'm a pirate, baby, shots fired with a loaded gun
Captain Hook and I got you shook
Bitches wanna talk, I offed 'em and said, "Walk the plank"
I'll pillage the village and bone all the witches
Swabbing my dick, take all the riches
Follow my heart wherever it goes
Boats and hoes, you know the code
Argh, argh!
We are one, one are we
Argh, argh!
Pirates we will always be
[Chorus: Dahvie Vanity & Fallon Vendetta]
I didn't choose the pirate life
The pirate life chose me
I didn't choose the pirate life
The pirate life chose me
With a "Yo ho!", bottle rum we go
Wenches in the background, there she blows
Shots fired, anchors aweigh
Party like a pirate, seize the day

[Verse 2: Fallon Vendetta]
HMS Vendetta, get up on my ship
We party like heathens, get wenches to strip
Attack like a Kraken, a mermaid assassin
Slay bitches, get money, bow down, I'm your captain
Like a volcano, I'm ready to blow
Triple X make waves and sink down below
Raise your sails, prepare for a swell
Dead seamen have no tale to tell
Got double D's up in this treasure chest
Gold doubloons around my neck
Keep those sailor boys in check
So much rum, we're gonna wreck

[Chorus: Dahvie Vanity & Fallon Vendetta]
I didn't choose the pirate life
The pirate life chose me
I didn't choose the pirate life
The pirate life chose me
With a "Yo ho!", bottle rum we go
Wenches in the background, there she blows
Shots fired, anchors aweigh
Party like a pirate, seize the day
[Bridge: Dahvie Vanity & Fallon Vendetta]
Why is the rum all gone?
Need to put my pants back on
Everybody sing along
It's a pirate's life for me
When times start to get hard
Let's just say "Fuck it, argh!"
Say goodbye to stormy seas
Sing it now, we're finally set free

[Chorus: Dahvie Vanity & Fallon Vendetta, Dahvie Vanity]
I didn't choose the pirate life
The pirate life chose me
I didn't choose the pirate life
The pirate life chose me
With a "Yo ho!", bottle rum we go
Wenches in the background, there she blows
Shots fired, anchors aweigh
Party like a pirate, seize the day

[Outro: Dahvie Vanity]
I didn't choose the pirate life
The pirate life chose me
I didn't choose the pirate life
The pirate life chose me
I didn't choose the pirate life
The pirate life chose me
I didn't choose the pirate life
The pirate life chose me
Argh!