[Verse: Gus, Sabrina, & Both]
We made it through high school, thank the Lord
And we kept all of our clothes on, even when we got bored
I wanna touch you buttcheek, but Jesus said "no way"
Wait a minute, high school sweetheart
There's another card to play

My friends were getting married, it has always been our dream
I made my life's decision at the age of 17
My brain's not done developing for eight or nine more years
But I was feeling horny, so I kicked it into gear
Here's the plan: we'll get hitched and be happy for a year
'Til I realize I'll never see another woman's rear
I'll bring another lady to the house we can't afford
But I'll cry when I get caught and ask forgiveness from the Lord

Our friends will start to gossip when they see us on the town
I'll switch to wearing button-ups and put on 40 pounds
I'll leave my goals and aspirations high up on a shelf
I switch to selling Herbalife and working on myself

[Outro: Gus & Sabrina]
I'm not happy
Wait, I got an idea
Have a baby (Didn't work)
Have another (You're a jerk)
Have 3 babies (We should stop)
Uh, 4 babies (I never loved you)