friend, half of the battle is getting yourself to feel
worth something. the other half is getting yourself

to feel anything at all. there are many ways to be
numb. it is a hunger we do not advertise; to find
honey, i’m whole in the back of our own throats.

do not worry whether or not you can handle the hurt
in front of you. know this was given to you because
you are the only speck in the universe who can carry it.

let your lover in. show her around your scattered
apartment head. do not apologize for the mess,
but do acknowledge its presence. tell her to make
herself at home. water the windows. open the plants.

you forgot how shame could seal the blinds shut.
you forgot how quickly our eyes adjust to the dark.

but how can you not believe in something bigger
every morning, when the sun always comes back
to forgive you? it must be powerful; it is so bright.

maybe this is a double-sided mirror. maybe
the universe puzzles herself with theories
about you.
remember when you were young
how moonglow wrapped around your bedroom
like a spell at night. the hearts you collected
in a piggy bank, your body like a tiny harp.

you handed light out like business cards.
you were and are still a source of light.

this is what i think of
when i feel small.

how empowering it is: to know your existence
might actually mean something.

how freeing it is
to know that it might not.