[Verse 1]
Your partner is a lawn gnome
Who lives online, and I know
I'm quite inclined to stay home
Call the outside an arsehole
You barter well but polychrome light shines on my face
The outdoors is grey
You'll find I'm resigned, a shameful display
"Hey, kid, get a life"
I do at times

[Bridge]
But from me you know you'll get no adventure
It's safe to say...

[Verse 2]
I'm selfish in my pursuits
All I work for constitutes forced pats on the back
And acknowledging that I can't fight the fact
That I think I won't get any better
Can't defend someone who never learns their lessons
In my condescending tone of voice, I blame you

[Outro]
Thoughtless statements now too late to retract
Now eat your humble pie off the floor with your hands behind your back
With your hands behind your back