[Verse 1]
All rise and come to order
Bailiff start the video recorder
You've been sworn, what's your complaint?
Speak up son, don't hesitate
Presided in his courtroom so long ago
He was hanging cowboys for stealing buffalo
Court is adjourned for his honor's feeling ill
The shaking old relic needs a glycerin pill

[Pre-Chorus]
Hang up your robe 'cause you're looking tired
If it was up to me you'd all be fired
Day after day convicting all those liars
This ain't TV jail, it's TV Hell

[Chorus 1]
Believe it or not
Those walking blood clots make enough money for a thousand foot yacht
Who in Hollywood did they ever acquit?
Just senile, judicial idiots
As the drama unfolds and the law he upholds
If you look real close you could see him growing mold
Small claims messiah is only a pariah to be ridiculed
Objection overruled
[Verse 2]
All rise as he takes the bench
To hear his old voice makes my gut wrench
Silence to those who are in his court
I'm found guilty by his report
No washed up judge can say to me
The shit he throws around when he's on TV
What can they fucking do, throw me in jail?
I'd slap out his dentures, post them for bail

[Pre-Chorus]
Hang up your robe 'cause you're looking tired
If it was up to me you'd all be fired
Day after day convicting all those liars
This ain't TV jail, it's TV hell

[Chorus 2]
You lose the case to a bigger bullshitter than you today
When it comes to the end, you tell all of TV land what you've got to say
When he's dead and gone will they get another fossil to carry on?
They must go to school, handpick these old fools
I say to you, objection overruled

[Bridge]
It's all Perry Mason's fault
[Guitar Solo]

[Outro]
"[?] call the hospital oh shit!"
"[?] while I played rhythm through the whole thing, non stop."
"Yeah you did."