[Verse 1]
I see you've been feeling down
When I needed you, you've been around
So this year I've a Christmas surprise
That will make your spirits rise

[Verse 2]
I think back on the times
When you've always been there for me
And when things seemed unclear
You did the thinking for me

[Chorus 1]
I owe you so much that it's hard
To repay you for all the good times
And I won't forget you this year
It's Christmas time for my penis

[Verse 3]
I know I have let you down
When you just needed a hand
When I was uncertain
You showed me that I am a man

[Chorus 2]
I owe you so much that it's hard
To repay you for all the good times
And I'm going to give you the joy that you've earned this year, pal
It's Christmas time for my penis
[Bridge]
"[?] oil
New lotion
A hat
Oriental porn stars
A monocle
A blow-up doll
A lap dance"

[Refrain]
I owe you so much that it's hard
To repay you for all the good times
It's Christmas time for my penis

[Verse 4]
I know you've been feeling down
All pent up, it's so hard to breathe
Don't fret, this Christmas
You'll get the attention you need

[Chorus 3]
I love you so much that it's hard
To repay you for all the good times
We'll get whores and pornography, your special holiday, pal
It's Christmas time for my penis
[Outro]
Thank you