[Verse 1]
I wanna lock Betty Crocker in the kitchen
And knock her upper during supper
Clutter up her butter gutter, said
Hostess Ding Dong wrapped an eggroll around my wong
While Dolly Madison proceeded to ping my pong
Your Milky Way is M'n'M in your britches
And I'll tell you Baby Ruth it looks mighty delicious
Keep blowing my gum, cuz here I come
I'm gonna get you all sticky with my Bubble Yum, yep

[Chorus]
Knick knack paddy whack
And give your dog a bone, baby
Knick knack paddy whack
And give your dog a bone, baby

[Bridge 1]
I was givin' some head to some french bread
It was a four course orgy on the spread of my bed
French kissin' french fries in my Fruit of the Looms
I get deeper penetration with a fork and a spoon

[Verse 2]
I got yogurt meatloaf smeared all over my ass
I stick my weenie in two buns and and then give it the gas
Sour cream from my spleen into Levi jeans
Gonna bust the seams with my refried beans
Ronald McDonald just loves to be fondled
With Big Mac he'll fuck it like a Chicken McNugget
Colonel Sanders wants to goose Granny's loose caboose
He's gonna give her a boost with that Kentucky fried juice
Sooper dooper, pooper scooper
Loop de loop, a-chicken coop, shoot some hoops
Top sirloin from the groin, topped with dick cheese
Sneeze, wheeze from the skeez disease, woooh!

[Chorus]
Knick knack paddy whack
And give your dog a bone, baby
Knick knack paddy whack
And give your dog a bone, baby

[Bridge 2]
Take a dump, baby, squirt some gravy
Pour some sugar on me, honey, make it brown and runny
Give a little Flavor Flav, back from the grave
Gonna burn some toast, pump some humping rump roast

[Verse 3]
Knick knack paddy whack, jump in the sack, in fact
Jerk the smack and crack Jack from the back
Bananarama or ramabanana
Fucking Barry Manilow on the Copacabana
[Bridge 3]
Squeeze me macaroni, slop your face with my bologna
Squeeze me macaroni, slop your face with my bologna
Squeeze me macaroni, slop your face with my bologna
Squeeze me macaroni, slop your face with my...

(Scat) Ooh, ooh, ooh, oooh!
(Scat) Ooh, ooh, ooh, oooh!

[Verse 4]
You gotta syphon the spinach, you gotta cream the corn
Sperm scrambles the eggs and a meal is born
Cooking like a beginner, but I'm going up in her
I had Fritos for lunch I'm having bush for dinner
Chef Boyardee and the Three Musketeers
Shove Charleston Chews in their rears like queers
"Holy moly, guacamole!" said my Chips Ahoy
I'm gonna pinch a ravioli on the Pillsbury dough boy

[Chorus 2]
Knick knack paddy whack
And give your dog a boner, baby
Knick knack paddy whack
And give your dog a boner, baby

[Outro]
We came to pottie
We came to pottie down your throat
("Raymond, where's the fuckin' beer man?")
("Do you want me to pour it?")
("No I want you to fuck it! ...Shit yes, pour the fucking beer!")
("Where's the glasses? That beer's going to get warm... One thing I can't fuckin' stand is warm beer, it makes me fuckin' puke!")

("Darling, where's the glasses?")

("Party! Party!"
"Get the fuck out of here!"
"Get those tits out bitch!"
"Get out of my fucking house!"
"Gimme some beer, dude!"
"Party! Party!"
"Hey man!"
"You gotta pinch a loaf in the toilet man!"
"Dude did that chick just grab your balls?")

("Oh cheeks, oh god, tight fucking cheeks. Oh god, oh yeah. Magazines, magazines... festival? Carnival? Fuckin' carnival man...")