[Mrs. VanDort]
It's a beautiful day

[Mr. VanDort]
It's a rather nice day

[Mrs. VanDort]
A day for a glorious wedding

[Mr. VanDort]
A rehearsal my dear, to be perfectly clear

[Mrs. VanDort]
A rehearsal for a glorious wedding

[Mr. VanDort]
Assuming nothing happens that we don't really know

[Mrs. VanDort]
That nothing unexpected interferes with the show

[Mr. And Mrs. VanDort]
And that's why every thing
Every last little thing
Every single tiny microscopic little thing must go
[Mrs. VanDort]
According to plan

[Mr. VanDort]
Our son will be married

[Mrs. VanDort]
According to plan

[Mr. VanDort]
Our family carried

[Mr. And Mrs. VanDort]
Elevated to the heights of society

[Mrs. VanDort]
To the costume balls

[Mr. VanDort]
In the hallowed halls

[Mrs. VanDort]
Rubbing elbows with the finest

[Mr. VanDort]
Having crumpets with Her Highness
[Mr. And Mrs. VanDort]
We'll be there, we'll be seen
Having tea with the queen
We'll forget everything
That we've ever, ever been

[Mrs. Everglot]
It's a terrible day

[Mr. Everglot]
Now don't be that way

[Mrs. Everglot]
It's a terrible day for a wedding

[Mr. Everglot]
It's a sad, sad state of affairs we're in

[Mrs. Everglot]
That has led to this ominous wedding

[Mr. Everglot]
How could our family have come to this?

[Mr. and Mrs. Everglot]
To marry off our daughter to the nouveau riche
[Mrs. Everglot]
They're so common

[Mr. Everglot]
So coarse

[Mrs. Everglot]
Oh, it couldn't be worse

[Mr. Everglot]
Couldn't be worse? I'm afraid I disagree
They could be land-rich, bankrupt aristocracy
Without a penny to their name just like you and me

[Mrs. Everglot]
Oh, dear

[Mr. and Mrs. Everglot]
And that's why everything
Every last little thing
Every single tiny microscopic little thing must go

[Mrs. Everglot]
According to plan

[Mr. Everglot]
Our daughter will wed

[Mrs. Everglot]
According to plan

[Mr. Everglot]
Our family led

[Mr. and Mrs. Everglot]
From the depths of deepest poverty

[Mrs. Everglot]
To the noble realm

[Mr. Everglot]
Of our ancestry

[Mr. and Mrs. Everglot]
And who would have guessed in a million years
That our daughter with a face

[Mr. Everglot]
Of an otter in disgrace

[Mr. and Mrs. Everglot]
Would provide our ticket to a rightful place

[Victoria, spoken]
What if Victor and I don't like each other?

[Mrs. Everglot, spoken]
Do you suppose your father and I like each other?

[Victoria, spoken]
Surely you must, a little

[Mr. and Mrs. Everglot, spoken]
Of course not

[Mrs. Everglot, spoken]
Get those corsets laced properly, I can hear you speak without gasping

Marriage is a partnership
A little tit-for-tat
You'd think a lifetime watching us
(sung)
Might have taught her that

Might have taught her that

[Mr. Everglot]
Everything must be perfect

[Mrs. Everglot]
Everything must be perfect

[Mr. and Mrs. Everglot]
Everything must be perfect, perfect

[VanDorts and Everglots]
That's why everything
Every last little thing
Every single tiny microscopic little thing must go

According to plan