[Skit]
Are you dead? Dying? Or about to die?
And running into that age-old problem of where will I spend my eternity?
Well, wonder no more because we here at The Casket Factory
Have got you covered, uh, well boxed!
With our patented one-box-fits-all!
It doesn't matter your size or shape we will fit that ass in a box!
Too tall? No problem!
We'll cut them stilts down to nothin' and fit that ass in a box!
Too short? No problem!
We'll stretch that ass with a taffy puller and fit that ass in a box!
Too fat? No problem!
We'll chop some flibber flabber off your body matter
And fit that ass in a box!
Too skinny? No problem!
We'll stuff your dead body plump like a Thanksgiving Day turkey with discarded pieces and parts from other bodies!
And put that ass in a box!
So if you're looking for a place to spend your eternity, don't hesitate!
Call now! 5-5-5-YOUREDEAD-THECASKETFACTORY