[Ken Bone]
Ken: Alright, Kenny boy. It's the big day. Who do I choose? Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. Oh golly, what do I do?

[Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump]
Really?

[Clinton]
Vote for me!
Thirty years in the game
And although Clinton’s my name
I’ll be damned if I let a man define the rest of my days

[Trump]
Vote for me!
My business is booming, I’m entrepreneuringFighting fires with you’re fired, tired of waiting for the legislators

Vote for me!
I’m on a mission

Vote for me!
I’m tired of pissing next to trannies and welfare grannies
Black lives matter Afghanis

[Both]
Gotta be sure we don't backtrack
It's time to take the country back
But what are your policies?


I’d love to answer that but first lemme be shady
Tell me, how many banks are in your top ten donors, lady?
One, two, three, four

Don't declare nuclear war!

What are his policies?
Malice fueling impossible fallacies?
Ban religions build fantasies
A wall to keep out the Wildlings

I fund your campaigns, hear the concerns?
You earn your money on the Wall Streets, even Bill's feelin' the Bern
Or not, you haven’t fronted the Bill since '95
Bring back Lewinsky, least she knew her way around a mic

Ew

You’ve dropped the F-bomb, the P-word, the C-word, and that’s just the shortlist

The only thing I’m dropping is the mic

Great, get rid of Mike Pence
And while we’re at it, drop these plagiarizing controversies
First Melania with Michelle, now you with white men from the 50s
Who taught you no means grope? Really though
Wanna wash that locker mouth out with soap, hope you choke on that slippery slope
I grab one crotch, Republicans run for the Hill-aries
If you were an intern or a balloon I’m certain Bill would act similarly
It’s golf chat, ad hoc, my not-so-small small talk
One faux pas and I’m foe fox, I love women
Don’t talk

You're so two faced, one's white lies, one's boldfaced
Now, just shift to the middle, drop that democratic bass

Our economy’s crumbling, it’s not time for a wannabe
Least I won’t nuke New York cause SNL makes fun of me
You’re delusional, bankrupt, your casinos are trash
I’m shocked you can divide the country since you clearly can’t do math
It’s the mad T party, go grab yourself a pie chart
Cut taxes on the rich, convince poor people it’s smart
Throw your marital logic at us, break the Union apart
News flash, in the last civil war the racists had to restart

Running a country's just like running business
I’ll handle nukes like Gary Busey on Celeb Apprentice
You're fired
BOOM! Now there’s no trouble at customs
What a deal, world peace only costs 1 billion Muslims

Let's make peace in the East, not copy their liturgies
Years of Obama's a Muslim, but Pence is gonna lead us like the Saudis
Please, open up a book beyond the two you cite:
The Bible you didn't read, and the book about you you didn't write
Between the deaths in Benghazi and all those missing emails
This monopoly owner votes Clinton goes directly to jail
She'll be more useful in chains than following up Barack
And while we're at it, jail him too, orange is the new black
I'll make a mess of America make my Mexicans clean it
Throw my name on the White House and deport em if they can’t read it
Beware the old hag
She’s just Barack in drag
I'll use that black guy to end her
Just like Othello, last act
My fellow class acts, let's throw back in tow
And lynch Obama out the White's House, Jim Crow 2.0

[Both]
So?

Alrighty. I think I've made my decision
Ken Bone is voting...Third Party!

[Gary Johnson]
What's Aleppo?