I've been having a rather stressful Christmas
Fixing the garden fence
But I certainly didn't plan that as soon as I began
There'd be the following events

I tripped over a hose
And fell in some roses
And thorns stuck in my head
And my nail gun fell
And then it expelled some nails
Which then embed in my hands and feet
Which quite completely nailed me to the shed

Oh, I'm beginning to look a lot like Jesus; accidentally crucified
And if you think this song is blasphemy
Then you can kiss my fuckin' ass for me - where it's nailed up outside