Just look away, look away
Look away, look away
This show will wreck your evening, your whole life, and your day
Every single episode is nothing but dismay,
So look away
Look away, look away

Three children lose their home and go to live with someone awful,
He tries to steal their fortune with a plot that's not quite lawful.
It's hard to fathom how the orphans manage to live through it,
Or how a decent person, like yourself, would even want to view it.

Just look away,
Look away,
There's nothing but horror and inconvenience on the way
Ask any stable person, "Should I watch?" and they will say:
Look away,
Look away, look away,
Look away, look away—

The Baudelaires are living with a man who studies snakes,
He's jolly and he's secretive and makes a few mistakes.
Spoiler alert! A villain comes to steal and murder,
And so if I were you, I wouldn't even watch one minute further.

The Baudelaires' new guardian is wracked by fear and panic,
They end up on a boat that might as well be the Titanic.
We polled a bunch of adults, 99% agree,
There must be something happier on screen for you to see.
The lumbermill is where the Baudelaires are forced to work,
The eye doctor is sinister, the owner is a jerk.
They end up in a fiendish plot with logs and hypnotism,
They very thought of watching should be met with skepticism.

Just look away,
Look away,
There's nothing but horror and inconvenience on the way
Ask any stable person, "Should I watch?" and they will say:
Look away,
Look away, look away,
Look away, look away—

At school the Baudelaires are forced to live in an old shack,
Comfort, joy and safety are among the things they lack.
They run a lot of laps which keeps them in fantastic shape,
But you're the one who ought to take this chance for an escape.

The Baudelaires are taken in by people who are rich,
But Olaf has a plan that's going off without a hitch.
It's a race against the clock to rescue their two kidnapped friends,
You'll need rescuing yourself before this grim tale ends.

The town of V.F.D. is full of people full of rules,
The Quagmires have once again been kidnapped for their jewels.
The Baudelaires must rescue them but end up getting jailed,
You might hope that things improve but I'm afraid that ship has sailed.
The Baudelaires are hiding in a place crawling with doctors,
Count Olaf's close behind them with his troupe of lousy äctors.
Something dreadful happens with a big, sharp, rusty knife,
So if I were you, I'd find some other way to spend your life.

The Baudelaires are hiding in a carnival of freaks,
Count Olaf is the worst he's been for more than several weeks.
The lions in the Hinterlands are hungry and quite fierce,
There is literally no program you can watch that is any wierse.

Just look away, look away
Look away, look away
This show will wreck your evening, your whole life, and your day
Every single episode is nothing but dismay,
So look away
Look away, look away—

The Baudelaires are trapped in mountains covered up in snow,
More villans have arrived and there is no place they can go.
It's a horrid way to start up this, our third and final season,
Anyone still watching it has clearly lost all reason.

The Baudelaires are deep below the surface of the sea,
Hoping to avoid Count Olaf's horrid company.
But of course he finds them and of course it's very awful,
this show is so grim it really ought to be unlawful.
The Baudelaires check into a hotel to spy upon,
A group of awful people for whom murder is a yawn.
It may seem like Count Olaf will be finally brought to justice,
But why would any viewers think that they could really trust us?

The Baudelaires, adrift at sea, wash up far off the map,
Olaf's right behind them with a fungus and a trap.
Our story ends in tragedy upon a coastal shelf,
I beg of you, I beg of you, stop watching save yourself.

Just look away,
Look away,
There's nothing but horror and inconvenience on the way
Ask any stable person, "Should I watch?" and they will say:
Look away,
Look away, look away,
Look away, look away,
Look away, look away,
Look away, look away.