Ooh, I bet she's in the yard again, I'll have to call the cops
She follows me everywhere I go, I can't make her stop
I swear sometimes she's been inside my house when I've been gone
She's about to drive me crazy, hey! let me tell ya what's going on

Taylor Swift is stalkin' me
(She's a little Lolita, she's a hussy, she's a tramp)
She's stalkin' me
(Makes Delilah look like a girl scout, yeah, she's a vamp)
She's probably in the backyard now up in that tall pine tree
With a pair of night vision goggles focused right on me
I swear she's everywhere I go, you know, it's plain to see
(I bet she's in the camera shooting pictures in 3D)
Taylor Swift is stalkin' me
Oh Lord

I told her I knew you were trouble, after all you're just 22
She said, you belong to me and I'm only me when I'm with you
I'm writing songs about you, she said and she even wrote our song
Then she turned mean and said no one's as cold as you when I told her I was moving on

Now Taylor Swift is stalkin' me
(She's a little Lolita, she's a hussy, she's a tramp)
She's stalkin' me
(Makes Delilah look like a girl scout, yeah she's a vamp)
She's probably in the backyard now up in that tall pine tree
With a pair of night vision goggles focused right on me
I swear she's everywhere I go you know it's plain to see
(I think she's planted a bug up under the rug that you can't see)
She's stalkin' me! Hey! Somebody! Help! Woaaaah

Ya know this is really happening, I'm being stalked by a super star
She said that our love story has put tears on her guitar
Her face is all over my TV screen and on the cover of all my magazines
I see her every where I go, you know, this has gone too far

Taylor Swift is stalkin' me
(She's a little Lolita, she's a hussy, she's a tramp)
She's stalkin' me
(Makes Delilah look like a girl scout, yeah she's a vamp)
She's probably in the backyard now up in that tall pine tree
With a pair of night vision goggles focused right on me
I swear she's everywhere I go you know it's plain to see
(I bet she's got a big hat pin and a voodoo doll of me)

You know, she's stalkin' me!
I know I'm a hunk, girls' been chasing me since 1989
I can't help it if I'm a hottie, it's a curse
I told her we are never getting together
She's not believing me, she'll jump then fall, text, Twitter and call
She just keeps on bothering me
I know nobody believes me but you just up in that pine tree
There she is with them goggles on
I tell you Taylor Swift is stalkin' me
What?
That's not her?
It's a what?
A hootie owl?
Hey, let me see them binoculars
Oh, well, who'd of thunk it
My bad!