Ray Stevens
Gourmet Restaurant
Well I went to the Chez Paris
The food was good there I'd been told
They said I should try some of that there Vichyssoise
But when they brought it, it was cold
I said, "Don't you just have some tomater soup?"
And he said, "The gazpacho is awfully nice"
I said, "Well bring me a big bowl of that."
And he did and dad blame if it wasn't cold as ice!

Oh you can have those high priced gourmet restaurants
Yeah the waiters act snooty and walk kind of fruity and they won't bring you what you want!
Well, I like greens, and cornbread and beans, and a big ol' glass of iced tea
I tell ya friends, those gourmet restaurants ain't for me!

Well a few months later some friends insisted we try out the Chateau Larieux
After waiting an hour and a half we finally sat down, and heck, I couldn't even read the menu!
So I asked the waiter, "How's the beef?"
He said "Ze steak tartar is ze best you ever had."
But when he brought it, friends I though I'd seen rare meat
But this wasn't even hurt real bad!

A couple band-aids and that boy'd been back out there grazing!

Well, I just couldn't eat that steak tartar, I was confused in every way. I wasn't even too sure about the soup du jour, I hear they change that every day!
And then the waiter said, "Monsieur, I have frogs legs that are guaranteed to please."
I said, "Well, hooray boy, hop on back there in the kitchen and bring me a grilled cheese!"
Well they said I ought to at least try out some of their wonderful desserts
I hadn't been able to eat anything else, so I figured, heck, what could it hurt
I thought I'd like a little ice cream, and the waiter said if that was my desire
"Ze Cherries Jubilee is magnifique."
But when he brought it, heck, it was still on fire!

And I jumped up and throwed a bowl of that cold potater soup on it before it could set off the sprinkler system; probably saved 'em from a major fire, but did they appreciate it? No! Asked me not to never come back. No need to worry about that!

They said the food at that place was fit for a king, and they were right...here King, here boy..

Heh heh, beef tournedos, now what's that? Steak that's been run over by an Oldsmobile?

Now I can understand chocolate eggs, and chocolate bunny rabbits, But a chocolate moose? Ain't never gonna catch on...