[Intro]
[Couple] Hello, Robbie!
[Robbie] Hello!

[Verse 1]
Welcome home, Mr. and Mrs
What is this? I'll tell you, this is
Just a package I’ve been holding
It's addressed to Mrs. Goldstein
What a co-op, what a lobby
Every slob is acting snobby
But you take a tip from Robbie
You should tip your doorman

The holidays are merry
All the secrets that I carry
One slip of the lip is scary
'Cause tomorrow you’re not married

[Chorus 1]
I open the door, give kids high fives
One, two, three
I open the door and I watch your lives
And the things you do
So you better tip me
'Cause I watch your lives
[Verse 2]
Mr. Adams, Mrs. Eve
This is your gift, I do believe?
A tree planted in Tel Aviv?
For your marriage, I now grieve
You see only him and me know
Back when you were getting chemo
That nurse who was Filipino
Got knocked up with a bambino
And he shipped them off to Reno
And you should have tipped me better
At least 100 and a sweater
Make it cashmere, there's a letter
From the nurse that would upset her

[Chorus 2]
I open the door, give kids high fives
One, two, three
I open the door and I watch your lives
Your private lives
Co-op, cooperate with me