It can't happen here
It can't happen here
I'm telling you, my dear
That it can't happen here
Because I been checkin' it out, baby
I checked it out a couple a times

Oh darling, it's important that you believe me
(Bop bop bop bop)
That it can't happen here

Who could imagine that they would freak out somewhere
In Kansas .
(Kansas . . . Kansas . . . Kansas . . . Kansas . . . )
(Kansas . . . )
Who could imagine that they would freak out somewhere in Minnesota .
(Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi
Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi . . . )
(Minnesota . . . Minnesota . . . )

FZ: I suppose that's all you needed to hear of that one. All right, I'll tell ya, we've got this song here that we recorded—silence, fool—that we recorded in London a couple of weeks ago and we thought it was a reasonably commercial song—but of course it's doomed if we put our name on it and put the thing out on the market. It's a, you know, it's a boy-girl situation song, it's a simplistic love song .

: Acne love

FZ: A sealed tuna sandwich of a song .
: [...] here in Minnesota

FZ: All right, now, the name of this song is "I'm Crying For Sharleena," and uh, it'll probably be released under the pseudonym of The Bognor Regis

: It's a ladies' choice

Jeff: The Amboy Dukes brother

Howard: You are the Bottom Line!

Mark: Ladies and gentlemen, the turkey of our group, Jeff Simmons

[...]

FZ: One!

[...]

FZ: Edgar Winter

: Edgar Winter, ladies and gentlemen

Jeff: Ladies and gentlemen, Edgar Winter

Mark: Frank's had fun, uh, Jeff's had fun, we've all had fun
Howard: I've had fun!

Jeff: And you too, on the end of the stage

FZ: You have to be really in tune when you play these commercial songs

Howard: Stay off my back, Frank. Heh heh .