Call any vegetable, call it by name
You gotta call one today when you get off the train
Call any vegetable and the chances are good

Yeah, the vegetable will respond to you (La-la, la-la)
The vegetable will respond to you (La-la, la-la)

Call any vegetable, pick up your phone
Think of a vegetable lonely at home
Call any vegetable and the chances are good

Yeah, the vegetable will respond to you (La-la, la-la)
The vegetable will respond to you (La-la, la-la)

Rutabaga, rutabaga
Rutabaga, rutabaga
Rutabay-y-y-y-ga

No one will know if you don't wanna let them know
No one will know unless it's you that might tell them so

Call and they'll come to you
Smiling and covered with dew
Vegetables dream, vegetables dream
Vegetables dream of responding to you
Standing there shiny and proud by your side
Holding your joint while the neighbors decide
Why is a vegetable something to hide?
To hide? To hide? To hide? Yeah!

(Instrumental: 3:13 - 4:32)

Shoop-shoop, shoop-shoop...

You know, a lot of people don't bother
About their friends in the vegetable kingdom (ah-ah)
They, they think: "What can I say?"
Some times they think: "Where can I go?"

Where can I go to get my poodle clipped in Burbank?
At Ralph's vegetarian poodle clippin', where you can come this...
Where can I go to get organic Vaseline for my intercourse?
At Bob and Ray's Swahili restaurant, where you can come this...

Where can I go to get my jeans embroidered in Fullerton?
At Jeans, at Jeans North where nothing fits
Where can I go to get my zipper repaired in Hollywood?
Who gives a fuck anyway!

Where can I go to get my speakers fixed?
Hey at... at Jack La...
Where can I go to get my exit lights?
At Jack La Lanne Hamburgers on 312 Whittier Boulevard
Where can I go to get my stomach pumped?
Where can I go to collapse?
Adee do...
Questions, Questions, Questions
Flooding into the mind of the concerned young person today
Ah, but it's a great time to be alive, ladies and gentlemen
And that's the theme of our program for tonight
It's so fuckin' great to be alive!
Is what the theme of our show is tonight, boys and girls
And I wanna tell ya
If there is anybody here who doesn't believe
That it is fuckin' great to be alive
I wish they would go now
Because this show will bring them down so much

God bless America
Land that I...

Call any vegetable, call it by name
You gotta call one today when you get off the train
Call any vegetable and the chances are good
Oh, that the vegetable will respond to you

And if you're a consenting adult, we want you to call today
In Los Angeles, the number is Richmond 9-6135
In Downey, it's 347-8932
Call it direct! Call it collect! But call it today!