Andrew Lloyd Webber
Poor Fool, He Makes Me Laugh
[COUNTESS]
Poor fool, he makes me laugh!
Hahahahahaha…
Time I tried to get a better, better half!

[COUNTESS & ENSEMBLE]
Poor fool, he doesn't know!
Hohohohohoho…
If he knew the truth, he'd never, ever go!

[PHANTOM'S VOICE]
Did I not instruct that Box Five was to be kept empty?

[CHRISTINE]
It's him! I know it, it's him!

[CARLOTTA]
Your part is silent, little toad!

[PHANTOM'S VOICE]
A toad, madame? Perhaps it is you who are the toad…

[COUNTESS]
Serafimo, away with this pretence!
You cannot speak, but kiss me in my—!
[Countess croaks]

Poor fool, he makes me laugh
Hahahahaha!

[Countess croaks repeatedly; Phantom laughs]

(spoken)

[PHANTOM]
Behold! She is singing to bring down the chandelier!
Hahaha!

[FIRMIN]
Ladies and gentlemen, the performance will continue in ten minutes' time… when the role of the Countess will be sung by Miss Christine Daaé

[ANDRE]
In the meantime, ladies and gentlemen, we shall be giving you the ballet from Act Three of tonight's opera. Maestro—the ballet, now!

[Instrumental interlude]

[Scream]

(spoken)

[CHRISTINE]
Raoul? Raoul!
[RAOUL (?)]
Christine, come with me!

[CHRISTINE]
No, to the roof. We'll be safe there

[FIRMIN]
Ladies and gentlemen. Please, remain in your seats. Do not panic; it was an accident … simply an accident!