1.

“Colson Lin is best known for clarifying the concept of God, a concept with traditionally mystical origins that is now considered a widely-accepted trait of our observed reality.”

“Are you a Colson Lin fan?” “Yeah I like some of his stuff.” “What have you read by him?” “Oh, uh.”

2.

“Him! Over there!”
“Who’s that.”
“That motherfucker’s the Second Coming of Jesus Christ!”
“Where.”
“Right there, sitting in that coffee shop! In front of the MacBook!”
“Oh shit that is him. Hang on. I’mma take a picture.”
“N’aw don’t be weird bro—he has a lot on his plate.”

3.

“I don’t know. That’s all I will say—I believe we’re in strangе times, I believе in the Bible, and I don’t know. That’s all I’ll say about the subject. Anyway, moving on tonight, Donald Trump…”

4.

“Okay, so what I don’t understand right, is that if this guy’s the Christ, right? He says he’s the Christ, right? WHY CAN’T HE DO ANYTHING HIMSELF. Does ANY-one see the LOGIC in what I’m saying here? ALL THE SKY DOES IS COMPLAIN! ALL he does is COMPLAIN, while making FUN of us—”

5.
“So now we have the Second Coming of Jesus Christ.”
“Yes.”
“And he’s talked about The View!”
“He has written about The View, so Sarah what do you think?”
“Uh.”

6.

“On a more serious note tonight, we have, as you know, someone in New Haven, Connecticut, purporting to be the Second Coming of Christ. Yeah, his name’s Colson Lin and he’s written this whole book backwards on X.

“Formerly Twitter.

“So we’re just going to move on—to the Yankees!”

7.

“Excuse me, are you Colson Lin?”
“No I’m not.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Yes, I’m sure I’m not Colson Lin.”
“I’m pretty sure you are Colson.”
“No, like I said, I’m not. I’m pretty sure I’m not—crap, shoulda said it that way, no edit button in real life. Anyway—Are! You! Racist?”

8.

“Would you have sex with Colson Lin.”
“Would I have sex with Colson Lin… you know, I’m not sure he’d be comfortable with hearing this line of questioning on live TV.”
“All right, fair enough!”
“Just saying.”
“Fair enough, okay, so you were in Barcelona last night.”
“I was!”
9.

“So Colson Lin, of course, has mentioned you…”
(Glare.)
“…just, our viewers wanted to know, what.”
“We can move on to the next question, right?”
“Sure, ma’am.”

10.

“Hi, honey you’re back.”
“I’m back.”
“How did it go.”
“It was all right. Yeah, it went all right.”
“That’s so nice.”
“How’s the baby.”
“Good. Burped—a lot!”
“Right.”
“So yeah.”
“Did you see the message from my brother.”
“Yeah we’re not going to talk about this anymore.”

11.

“Okay but just because I recognized you doesn’t make me a racist.”
“Yes but I’m not him, which makes this racist.”
“Okay but you clearly are though. I can’t even believe I’m getting into an argument with the Second Coming of Fucking Jesus in the middle of the fucking sidewalk.”
12.

“Like, what’s so hard to understand about this—you’re him, therefore, me telling the TRUTH about that, right, which is what you WANT, you always say, God is Reason—how does that make me a racist.”

“BECAUSE I’M NOT COLSON LIN YOU CRAZY FUCKING CUNT—I’LL END THE WORLD DUE TO YOU.”

13.

This metaphysics shit is dope. (Quoting Madonna.)

14.

“Excuse me, are you Colson Lin?”
“Yeah.”
“Hi, I just wanted to say I like what you’re saying about hypocrisy and insincerity and the significance of their perpetuation in elite norms and values, like designer babies.”
“Thanks, I’m honored.”
“Have a nice day.”
“You too, bye!”