When Karl Marx was a boy
He took a hard look around
He saw people were starving
All over the place
While others were painting the town
The public-spirited boy
Became a public-spirited man
So he worked very hard
And he read everything
Until he came up with a plan

There'll be no exploitation
Of the worker or his kin
No discrimination
'Cause of the color of your skin
No more private property
It would not be allowed
No one could rise too high
No one could sink too low
Or go under completely
Like some we all know

If Marx were living today
He'd be rolling around in his grave
And if I had him here
In my mansion on the hill
I'd tell him a story
It would give his old heart a chill
It's something that happened to me
I'd say, Karl, I recently stumbled
Into a new family
With two little children in school
Where all little children should be
I went to the orientation
All the young mommies were there
Karl, you never have seen
Such a glorious sight
As these beautiful women
Arrayed for the night
Just like countesses, empresses
Movie stars, and queens
They'd come there with men much like me
Froggish men, unpleasant to see
Were you to kiss one, Karl
Nary a prince would there be

Oh Karl, the world isn't fair
It isn't and never will be
They tried out your plan
It brought misery instead
If you'd seen how they worked it
You'd be glad you were dead
Just like I'm glad I'm living
In the land of the free
Where the rich just get richer
And the poor you don't ever have to see
It would depress us, Karl
Because we care
That the world still isn't fair