[Intro: Neil Cicierega]
I want to be the best
There ever was!
To beat all the rest, yeah, that's my cause!

[Verse 1: Neil Cicierega]
Exacto, Dingdong, Nickelback, Mancave
Vichyssoise, Ricotta, Freebird, Pigbang
Seabeef, Gelatine, Dracula, Gaslight
Ponytail, Fedoraman, Polyblart, Bugstyle!

[Bridge 1: Neil Cicierega & Neil Cicierega (together)]
Catch 'em, catch 'em, gotta catch 'em all!
Pokémon!

[Pre-verse 1: Neil Cicierega]
I'll search across the land, look far and wide!
Release from my hand the power that's inside!

[Verse 2: Neil Cicierega]
Xenomorph, Pottyman, Nick Jr., Cool duck
Applestore, Grindr, Wikihow, Moses!
Nippleking, Footfist, Avril, Chickenpuff
Krimbus, Dryhump, Clamato, Dippindots!

[Bridge 2 (reprise of Bridge 1): Neil Cicierega & Neil Cicierega (together)]
Catch 'em, catch 'em, gotta catch 'em all!
Gotta catch 'em all! Pokémon!
[Verse 3: Neil Cicierega]
Zoobooks, Primus, Mraz, Rocks
N***dude, Zackattack, Macklemore, Kpax!
Gonegirl, Tingler, Goldblum, Speedo
Weezer, Seal, Carlos, Holezone!

[Bridge 3: Neil Cicierega & Neil Cicierega]
Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all! (Yeah!)
Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all! (Yeah!)

[Pre-Verse 2: Neil Cicierega]
Gotta catch 'em all, Pokémon!
Ow!

[Verse 4: Neil Cicierega]
Kambucha, Porkins, Prunis, Hornweed
Pattymelt, Mcavoy, Kragina, Wiffleball!
Dicko, Clumpster, Creamy Pete, Slamshame
Bonerspore, Shakira, Colon, Pinochet!

[Bridge 4: Neil Cicierega & Neil Cicierega (together)]
At least one hundred and fifty
Or more to see!
To be a Pokémon master is my
Destiny!
[Verse 5: Neil Cicierega]
Alanmoore, Dogdog, Vengaboy, Madchad
Angerstar, Hipdip, Electrohouse, Firefox!
Boytoy, Powerwheel, Amish, Trumpy
Ratfood, Nicotine, Bloodsport, Starmeat!

[Bridge 5: Neil Cicierega & Neil Cicierega]
Whoo! We're at the halfway point! Doing great so far!
(We? What's all this "we" stuff?! I'm doing all the hard work!)
Break time's over! Here we go!

[Verse 6: Neil Cicierega]
Menopause, Kerouac, Kaboodle, Glengarry
Devito, Speedball, Vitaboob, Krabcore!
Tickletown, Ruffalo, Weiner, Nickelback
Modcloth, Swelldad, Porngod, Wickerman!

[Bridge 6 (reprise of Bridge 3): Neil Cicierega & Neil Cicierega (partially together)]
Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all!
(Yeah)
Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all!
(Yeah!)

[Verse 7: Neil Cicierega & Neil Cicierega]
Avocado, Jncos, Nutrena, Beeboy
Honker, Squirter, Banksy, (Pokémon!)
Partysack, Eggchute, Beck, Dudelove
Pinocchio, Lapdesk, Furprince, Rawdog!
[Bridge 7 (reprise of Bridge 4): Neil Cicierega & Neil Cicierega (together)]
At least one hundred and fifty
Or more to see!
To be a Pokémon master is my
Destiny!

[Verse 8: Neil Cicierega]
Jar Jar, Momshorts, Pickle, Golfy
Dunkaroos, Godsmack, Starjones, Mazeltov!
Pinesol, Atkins, Lonely Heart!
Seinfeld, Timecube, Dragontales, Markymark!

[Bridge 8: Neil Cicierega]
Woah! Catch your breath, man, shake out those lips!
It's downhill from here! Just twenty four more to go!
Now it gets tricky! So listen real good!

[Verse 9: Neil Cicierega & Neil Cicierega]
Scrodsmash, Howarddean, Piss Duck, Tigerbeat
Vevo, Coconuts, Kidzbop, Slapchop
Jabroni, Lithgow, Mr. Mom, Quaaludes
Googler, Ballboy, Glube! (We're almost home!)

[Bridge 9 (reprise of Bridge 4): Neil Cicierega & Neil Cicierega (together)]
Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all! (Yeah!)
Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all! (Hoo!)
Gotta catch 'em all, Pokémon! Ready?

[Verse 10: Neil Cicierega & Neil Cicierega]
Chamillionaire! Tortreform!
Moodtube, Teddycruz, Aaronsorkin!
Hoobastank, Bonesmoke!
Pitbull, Arby's! (That's all, folks!)

[Outro: Neil Cicierega & Neil Cicierega (together)]
Catch 'em, catch 'em, gotta catch 'em all!
(Ooh, gotta catch 'em all, Pokémon!)
Catch 'em, catch 'em, gotta catch 'em all!
(Ooooh, gotta catch 'em all, Pokémon!)
Catch 'em, catch 'em, gotta catch 'em all!
Gotta catch 'em all! Pokémon!