Momus
Shaftesbury Avenue
I think you're waiting for someone
And I think he's not going to show
And there's this little place round the corner
Wanna go?

Uptown
Charcoal and braziers
Where the traffic is crazier
Where the people are racier
And the stage door is unlit

Uptown
I'm going up there just as I am
Going to dance down the roofs of the traffic jam
Cos I've got something that's itching me
And here's where I'm going to scratch it

Appearing in the West End:
Tottenham Hotspurs with Rolex handshakes
And crocodile sunlans
JAPs and prunes, cops and robbers
Touts with faces like the Phantom of the Opera
Chinatown pimps and handshake whores
And Tackhead caps at the Astoria doors
Foetus in the dish, falcon down the pan
Feasts in the dustbin
Gerrard Street girl watch as I go
My hungry blue eyes below your window
If I could just speak Cantonese
You could be my best friend
(Appearing in the West End)
There's some greal entertainment lined up for me on BBC 1
But meet me on Shahesbury Avenue
Operating for fun (looking for a good time)
Sophisticated sister, so much better at life than me
Meet me on Shaftesbury Avenue
Dance with me
Talk to me
Make love with me
Make me somebody

Uptown
Walking all night all alone
Through the entertainment zone
Searching for sweet oblivion
Till the bitter end
Nothing comes to him who waits
No free lunches, no dinner dates
Got to take your chance at a back door dance
With a very special friend

Appearing in the West End:
Streatham princesses in sherbert stilettoes
And matt black toy boys who act like heroes
Businessman sleaze, whips made of liquorice
No sex please: we're British
Council house tarts in cocktail bars
Looking for a boyfriend
XR 3 sunroofs open on the night
Bragging Kiss FM rapper's delight
Gerrard Street girl watch as I go
My hungry blue eyes below your window
If I could just speak Vietnamese
You could be my best friend
Appearing in the West End
There's some great entertainment lined up for me on BBC 1
But meet me on Shahesbury Avenue
Operating for fun (looking for a good time)
Sophisticated sister, so much better at life than me
Meet me on Shaftesbury Avenue
Dance with me
Talk to me
Make love with me

Make me somebody