[Jan Donovan, spoken]
What can I tell you?
You're Tess Harding for god sakes!
I've never done anything really important in my life the way you have

[sung]
I'll bet your friends are all celebrities
That's wonderful!

[Tess Harding]
What's so wonderful?
You can make a pot roast
That's wonderful!

[J]
What's so wonderful?
First, you brown an onion
Is your picture up at Sardi's?
That's wonderful!

[T]
What's so wonderful?
You can clean an over
That's wonderful!

[J]
What's so wonderful?
First, you get the EZ off
[Both]
Oh!
The grass is always greener
On somebody else's estate!
Ah!
The meat is always leanеr
On somebody else's dinnеr plate!

[T]
But you can sew a button on
That's wonderful!

[J]
What's so wonderful?
Bet you've been to discos
That's wonderful!

[T]
What's so wonderful?
First, you take a valium!
I can see you planing picknicks
That's wonderful!

[J]
What's so wonderful?
Eating at the White House
That's wonderful!
[T]
What's so wonderful?
First, they pass the Jelly Beans!

[Both]
Oh!
The grass is always greener on somebody else's front lawn!
Oh!
Somebody else's wiener always has a lot more relish on!

[J]
You saved the whales in New Foundland
That's wonderful!

[T]
What's so wonderful?
You can run a household
That's wonderful!

[J]
What's so wonderful?
First, you have a breakdown!

You're always in the magazines
That's wonderful!
[T]
What's so wonderful?
You can hold a husband
That's wonderful!

[J]
What's so wonderful?
There's more to life than husbands

[T]
I could use a husband

[J]
You can have my husband

[T]
I've already had your husband!

[Both]
Ah!
It makes you kind of teary!
Ah!
Think about it, deary!
The grass is always greener
In some-
-one
Else's yard!
It's hard!

[J]
I'll bet you always ride in limousines
That's wonderful!

[T]
What's so wonderful?
You have time for luncheons
That's wonderful!

[J]
What's so wonderful?
First, you sell the Tupperware!
The public wants your autograph
That's wonderful!

[T]
What's so wonderful?
You raised a teenage daughter
That's wonderful!

[J]
What's so wonderful?
First, you find her diaphragm!

[Both]
Ah!
The grass is always greener where some other tenant pays rent!
Ah!
The teeth are always cleaner in somebody else's Polident!

[T]
Do you know who your neighbors are?
That's wonderful!

[J]
What's so wonderful?
You know Rona Barrett
That's wonderful!

[T]
What's so wonderful?
First, you keep your mouth shut!

Bet you squeeze the Charmin
That's wonderful!

[J]
What's so wonderful?
You can make a headline
That's wonderful!

[T]
What's so wonderful?
I'd rather make a pot roast

[J]
So go and brown an onion

[T]
And have some peace and quiet

[J]
You've already had my husband

[Both]
Ah!
Everyone's a victim
Of
This
Docky little dictum!
The grass is always greener
In some-
-one
Else's
Yard!

It's hard!