John Kander
Financial Advice
[MR. BONES (as District Attorney)]
When ya’ bills ain’t paid
And the going’s rough
And ya’ bank book says
You ain’t got enough
Then let me tell you sonny
There’s nothin’ like Jew money

[RUBY, spoken]
I told you, I lied! Those boys never jazzed me! And you think I couldn’t make my own money if I wanted to from men just like you?

[MR. BONES (as District Attorney)]
When there ain’t no cash
For the days ahead
And you got no job
And you wish you was dead
There’s one solution, honey
Go getcha’ some Jew money

[RUBY, spoken]
What are you talkin’ about? We made it all up! I don’t even know what a Jew looks like!

[MR. BONES (as District Attorney)]
They got it all
They hide it well
They must’ve made a pact
With the devil in Hell
With all their gold
I just can’t see
Why some of it should not belong
To you and me
[RUBY, spoken]
This lie ain’t for sale! And if it was, do you think I would sell out for this sorry ass grey hat and grey coat?!

[MR. BONES (as District Attorney)]
So if that is the way you feel
Go out and borrow, beg or steal
And once you get their money
Here’s my advice to you
Keep that money but get rid o’ that Jew

[RUBY, spoken]
I lied because Victoria told me to. I was scared! Why did everyone believe me when I was tellin’ a lie but no one believed it when I‘m tellin’ the truth?!

[MR. BONES (as District Attorney)]
Once you get their money
Here’s my advice to you
Take that money!

[RUBY, spoken]
I don’t take anything that I don’t make!

[MR. BONES (as District Attorney)]
Grab that money!

[RUBY, spoken]
Yeah? Grab this!
[MR. BONES (as District Attorney)]
Keep that money but lose that Jew!

[RUBY, spoken]
Stop! Stop! STOP!!! I lied. I said I was sorry. Why don’t nobody believe me?

Big instrumental finish