John Kander
The Woman’s Dead
[CARMEN (spoken)]
Jessica Cranshaw will never be better than she was this evening

[BOBBY (spoken)]
But she was horrible

[CARMEN (spoken)]
I know. But she'll never better. She's dead
That was the hospital on the phone. In terms of future performances, Jessica Cranshaw now has a conflict

[GEORGIA (spoken)]
Chris, do you want to say something to the company about Jessica?

[BELLING (spoken)]
Shall we all observe a moment of silence?
To match the audience's response to Jessica's first number?

[AARON (spoken)]
Chris!

[BELLING (spoken)]
Oh, all right. Jessica was part of our company and now we part company
I'm sure we shall all remember her in our thoughts and in our resumes
And now as thespians, I know you'd like to express your sorrow
Both as a tribute and as an acting exercise
Sasha? F Sharp minor
[ALL (sung)]
Oooooh...
Oooooh...
Oooooooh...

[CARMEN]
The woman's dead
The woman's dead

[AARON]
Go tell her fans to change their plans, the woman's dead

[NIKI]
Would someone care to say a prayer?

[BOBBY]
Who might that be?

[BELLING]
Don't look at me!

[CARMEN, AARON, NIKI]
The woman's dead

[ALL]
Oooooh...
Oooooh...
Oooooooh...
The woman's dead
She's dead and gone

[JOHNNY]
She's flown the coop and now our troupe is minus one!

[NIKI]
She sang each word
The angels heard
The closed her mouth and shipped her south

[NIKI AND JOHNNY]
The woman's done

[ALL]
Oooooh...
Oooooh...
Oooooooh...

The woman's dead
The woman's dead

[BAMBI]
She was a bitch

[BELLING]
And under pitch
[BAMBI]
And now she's dead!

[ALL]
Our star is dead!

[AARON]
She had no voice

[OSCAR]
She had no wits

[CARMEN]
She had no brains, she just had tits

[AARON AND CARMEN]
And now she's dead

[ALL]
The woman's dead
The woman's dead

[JOHNNY]
She's taking ten 'till God knows when, the woman's dead!

[ALL]
The skies are blue

[NIKI]
Her lips are, too

[ALL]
Can't blow her nose
Can't shake her head
See for yourself
It's like I said
The woman's definitely
Positively...

[CIOFFI (spoken)]
Excuse me, I'm Lt. Frank Cioffi of the greater Boston Police
I'm assigned to the homicide division and, oh, it's an honor
To be standing on the same stage with each and every one of you!

[ALL (sung)]
Dead!
Dead!
Dead!