William Finn
Four Jews in a Room Bitching (March of the Falsettos)
[MEN]
Four Jews in a room bitching
Four Jews in a room plot a crime
I'm bitching. He's bitching
They're bitching. We're bitching
Bitch bitch bitch bitch
Funny funny funny funny
Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch
All the time

[MENDEL]
Whadda they do for love?
Whadda they do for love?

[MARVIN, WHIZZER & JASON]
Four Jews in a room bitching

[MENDEL]
Whadda they do for love?

[MEN]
Four Jews in a room stop...

[MENDEL]
They stoop...
[MEN]
To pray

[JASON]
I'm Jewish

[MARVIN]
I'm Jewish

[MENDEL]
I'm Jewish

[WHIZZER]
Half Jewish

[MEN]
Bitch bitch bitch bitch
Funny funny funny funny
Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch
Night and day

It maybe seems a bit peculiar:
We are psychopathic people
We sometimes tell a lie
But mostly we just hide behind the door
We lie in wait for someone good to enter
We offer food and drinks
The lady never thinks that we're the mad
We're often mad
Too often mad
We're very mad
That we're the mad experimenter. Call us
Four Jews itching for answers
Four Jews bitching their whole life long
[WHIZZER]
I'm Whizzer

[JASON]
I'm Jason

[MENDEL]
I'm Mendel

[MARVIN]
I'm Marvin

[MEN]
Bitch bitch bitch bitch
Funny funny funny funny
Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch
Right or wrong

[JASON]
In case of smoke please call our mothers on the phone
And say their sons are all on fire

[MARVIN]
We are manipulating people and we need to know
Our worst sides aren't ignored
[MENDEL]
The guilt invested will, in time, pay wisely

[WHIZZER & JASON]
We do not tippy toe

[WHIZZER]
We charge ahead to show...

[MENDEL]
We're good in bed

[WHIZZER]
Excel in bed

[MARVIN]
We smell in bed

[JASON]
Where is the bed?

[MENDEL]
I love the bed

[JASON]
Who has the bed?

[WHIZZER]
I want the bed

[JASON]
Who stole the bed?

[MARVIN]
Who stole the bed?

[WHIZZER]
I lost it twice

[MENDEL]
The bed is mine

[JASON]
The bed is nice

[MEN]
The bed is
Four Jews in a room bitching
Four Jews talking like Jew-ish men
I'm neurotic, he's neurotic
They're neurotic, we're neurotic
Bitch bitch bitch bitch
Funny funny funny funny

[MARVIN]
I'm nauseous

[WHIZZER]
I'm nauseous

[JASON]
I'm simple

[MENDEL]
I'm Jewish

[MEN]
Bitch bitch bitch bitch
Funny funny funny funny

[JASON]
Four Jews in a room bitching

[MARVIN]
I'm Jewish, he's Jewish, they're Jewish, we're Jewish

[MENDEL]
Bitch bitch bitch bitch
Funny funny funny funny

[WHIZZER]
I"m neurotic, he's neurotic, they're neurotic, we're neurotic

[MEN]
Four Jews in a room bitching
Bitch bitch
Bitch bitch bitch bitch
Now and then
Can't lose
Loose screws
Four Jews