[Intro]
Ooh!

[Verse 1]
Hey, I'm feeling so dirty, you're looking so clean
And all you can give is a spin in your washing machine
I fly off to Rome to my prima bella
She leaves me in the rain with telescopic umbrella

[Chorus]
Ah, the pain!
Modern love can be a strain
Ah, the pain!
Modern love can be a strain

[Verse 2]
I trusted my Venus was untouched in her shell
But the pearls, the pearls in her oyster were tacky as hell
For Lady Godiva I came incognito
But her driver had stolen her red hot Magneto

[Chorus]
Ah, the pain!
Modern love can be a strain
Ah, the pain!
Modern love can be a strain
[Bridge]
I don't know why they leave me in the lurch
To carry on the search
It's driving me up the wall
Pity, when I have so much passion
Romance is out of fashion
Can't handle modern love at all
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, yeah!
Ooh
Ah, ooh

[Verse 3]
Hey, I worship Diana by the light of the moon
When I pull out my pipe, she screams out of tune
In Paris my heart sinks when I see the Mona Lisa
She gives me the wink, then she shows me the freezer

[Chorus]
Ah, the pain!
Modern love can be a strain
Ah, the pain!
Modern love can be a strain

[Outro]
Ah, the pain!
Oh, the pain!
Ah, the pain!
Oh, oh, the pain!
[?], give me the pain!
Oh, the pain!
Yeah, the pain!