so I’m two footsteps away
from tracking down my first ever scyther
on pokemon go

((right on the portland park blocks
just like my brother promised))

when the men on the benches
start up their theme song chorus

what type of pokemon is that?
baby, what a rare breed you are.
what luck to have you lured here.
how badly it is we would like to catch you.

& nothing follows me as my pace quickens
except the trickle of laughter & the glue of their eyes

their words remind me how I am never allowed to vanish

how there is no virtual realm
that will repel the catcalls or the male gaze
might categorize me as “human”
can make me forget the hunger
looming behind every pokestop
there is no comfort in knowing
I am only ever safe playing this game
((my eyes locked on phone screen instead of
scanning grass for wild beasts on the prowl))
when I walk down the street
hand held by my male partner

only then am I at my safest
only then can I lose myself in this game

it is not until I am securely
tucked away in my pokeball of an office
when I realize how I never got to catch my scyther

I left it behind with all the other monsters
but I do not fear for its well being

if only I too had blades for hands
​
maybe then I would not quicken my pace
maybe then inhabiting a female body
would not feel like a game I can never win