Old Mary Catherine Bridgette OGill
Tortures me daily as old women will
I wish I were single for all o me life
But old Mary Catherine OGill is me wife
When I was a young man, more foolish than wise
A young woman caught me by stealth and surprise
By means of seduction, rye whiskey and gin
She opened her gate and she soon let me in
Her father came at me full sore with his gun
And me, bein up in me cups, couldn't run
He offered a choice of the chapel or jail
Or else I could keep all his shot in me tail
Now Im a farmer all bent by the plough
And livin me life by the sweat of me brow
I never bemoan and I never complain
And old Mary Catherine OGill is to blame
But if I were a sailor and a long way from home
Tied at Bermuda, the ports for to roam
Thered be none but them foreign women for me
For I hear that theres plenty o fish in that sea
If I were a lawyer for poor folk and such
Id win all me cases, Id charge way too much
Id tuck all my money up under my bed
Then Id get out me gun and Id shoot off me head
If I could play baseball American style
With one swing of the bat, Id knock it a mile
Me fans would go crazy, me Da would be proud
As I scratched meself fondly in front of the crowd
(Take me out to the ball game, take me out to the crowd)
If we were musicians in a real Irish band
That would be fabulous, wondrous grand
Sometimes wed get drunk, sometimes wed get paid
Sometimes wed get lucky, sometimes wed get laid
Now if youre not married Ill give some advice
Dont ever propose and dont even think twice
Dont ever get married by threat or by force
For the only way out is by death or divorce