[AGNES GOOCH]
With my wings resolutely spread, Mrs. Burnside
And my old inhibitions shed, Mrs. Burnside
I did each little thing you said, Mrs. Burnside
I lived!
I lived!
I lived!

I altered the drape of
A drop of my bodice
And softened the shape of my brow;
I followed directions
And made some connections
But what do I do now?

Who'd think this Miss Prim would
Have opened a window
As far as her whim would allow?
And who would suppose it
Was so hard to close it?
Oh, what do I do now?
I polished and powdered and puffed myself
If life is a banquet I stuffed myself

I had my misgivings
But went on a field trip
To find out what living's about
My thanks for your training
Now I'm not complaining
But you left something out!
Instead of wand'ring on
With my lone remorse
I have come back home
To complete the course
Oh, what do I do-
Mrs. Burnside?

I traveled to hell in my new veneer
And look what I got as a souvenir
But still, I'll defend you
As guide and instructor
Would I recommend you and how?

Although I was leery
I thrived on your theory
That life can be a wow!
You said there's nothing wrong
With a harmless smooch
So I'm gonna call him Burnside Gooch
Oh, what do I do now?