"Dipshit! (rewinding) ...misfit. Why am I such a-- misfit?
(rewinding) Mr. Elf-- (rewinding) ... or I'll clock you with a toy! You see that dolly arm? I'll wield it like a fucking... machete!"

Come, to Santa's Play Elf Land, where everyone's an elf! Visit Santa's factory workshop, and see Toy-O-Rama! Bathe with the elves in the world's largest solar-heated salt-water hot tub. Visit the Candy Pit, if you dare! Or just plain have fun

And hey, Mom and Dad, while the kids are having fun, you can be getting stiff in Santa's Ho Ho Hideout and Barbecue Lounge, serving Santa's specialty, Reindeer Ribs. Hey, and have Santa's Sleigh-Bell Slayer, on the house

That's Santa's Play Elf Land, exit 34 J, just off Flullhassic Turnpike, Fort Ticonderoga, New York

"This is Vic Morrow, and I'm up in Heaven. And you know what? Bobby, there is no Christmas. Hey, you know, Santa's dead. You know why? I just killed him, you hear me? I just killed him."

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"Saxophones? You gotta fuckin' be kidding me!"