[Intro, spoken]
I'll do a talking blues... uh
This is "Talking Vietnam"
I wrote this with the aid of a young liberal songwriter
Named Bob McNamara
Vietnam is an island only ninety miles off our shores
This song is dedicated to Johnson and all the liberals

[Verse 1]
Sailing over to Vietnam
Southeast Asian Birmingham
Well, training is the word we use
Nice word to have in case we lose
Training a million Vietnamese
To fight for the wrong government and the American Way

[Verse 2]
Well, they put me in a barracks house
Just across the way from Laos
Said, "You're pretty safе when the troops deploy
But don't turn your back on your housе boy
When they ring the gong
Watch out for the Viet Cong"

[Verse 3]
Oh, the sergeant said it's time to train
So I climbed aboard my helicopter plane
We flew above the battle ground
A sniper tried to shoot us down
He must have forgot, we're only trainees
Them Commies never fight fair
Dirty yellow bastards
[Verse 4]
Friends, the very next day we trained some more
We burned some villages down to the floor
Yes, we burned out the jungles far and wide
Made sure those red apes had no place left to hide
Threw all the people in relocation camps
Under lock and key, made damn sure they're free
Like me, hee-eee

[Verse 5]
Well, I walked through the jungle around the bend
Who should I meet but the ghost of President Diem
He said, "You're fighting to keep Vietnam free
For good old Diem-ocracy"
That means rule by one family
And fifteen thousand American troops
Give or take a few thousand American troops

[Verse 6]
He said, "I was a fine old Christian man
Ruling this backward Buddhist land
Well, it ain't much but what the heck
It sure beats hell out of Chiang Kai-shek
I'm the power elite
Me and the Seventh Fleet"
[Verse 7]
He said, "Meet my sister, Madame Nhu
The sweetheart of Dien Bien Phu"
He said, "Meet my brothers, meet my aunts
With the government that doesn't take a chance
Families that slay together, stay together"

[Verse 8]
He said, "If you want to stay, boy, you'll have to pay
Over a million dollars a day
But it's worth it all, now don't you see?
If you lose the country you'll still have me
Me and Syngman Rhee, Chiang Kai-shek, Madame Nhu
[?], Lyndon Johnson
Like I said on Meet the Press
'I regret that I have but one country to give for my life'"

[Verse 9]
Well now old Diem is gone and dead
All the new leaders are anti-red
Yes they're pro-American, freedom sensations
Against Red China, the United Nations
Now all the news commentators and the CIA
Are saying, "Thank God for coincidence"