1. IT'S ONE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS
I'M CRABBY AND I'M BROKE
I'M SO FULL OF HAM AND FRUITCAKE
I THINK I'M GONNA CROAK
IT'S NICE TO SEE THE RELATIVES
I WONDER WHEN THEY'LL LEAVE
THE'VE BEEN CAMPING IN MY BATHROOM
SINCE EARLY CHRISTMAS EVE
2. THEY'RE EATING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT
AND SLEEPING IN MY BED
I BEEN SACKED OUT IN THE BASEMENT
WITH MY BEAGLE FRED
THE RELATIVES HAVE ALL GONE OUT
AND LEFT THEIR SCREAMING BRATS
THE TOILET BOWL IS ALL CLOGGED UP
AND I CAN'T FIND THE CAT

CHORUS:
IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME AT MY HOUSE
THE RELATIVES ARE HERE
THEY EAT ME OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME
AND DRINK UP ALL MY BEER
I LOVE THE DECORATIONS
AND THE SLEIGH BELLS IN THE SNOW
BUT I WISH THOSE PESKY RELATIVES
WOULD TAKE THEIR KIDS AND GO HOME
3. THOSE COOKIE CRUNCHERS FED THE DOG
A TWENTY POUND RIB ROAST
HIS FEET ARE STICKING IN THE AIR
LIKE SKINNY OLD FENCE POSTS
NOW THEY'RE IN A FREE FOR ALL
THE GIRLS AGAINST THE BOYS
THEY'RE FIGHTING OVER BOXES
'CAUSE THEY'RE BORED WITH ALL THEIR TOYS
4. MY MOTHER-IN-LAW IS SNORING
IN MY FAVORITE TV CHAIR
THOSE KIDS ARE STRINGING LIGHTS ON HER
AND TINSELING HER HAIR
I OUGHTA WAKE HER UP BEFORE
THE FIREWORKS BEGIN
BUT I WANNA SEE THOSE BLUE SPARKS FLY
WHEN THEY PLUG HER IN
(REPEAT CHORUS)