The lady was beautiful
The lady was dark
She wasn't too beautiful
But still left her mark
On volumes of history
And thousands of Czechs
And all through the mystery
Of old devil sex
Josephine

Josephine
From the first was rather chic
As a tot
She would trot
Through the island of Martinique
Her fortune was told
By and aged crone
Who prophesied fame and romance
Who hissed in her ear the outrageous idea
That she's also be empress of France

Josephine
Josephine
Had with men a set routine
And the people who thought that her technique was self taught
Didn't know Josephine
Whatever she nearly did from five to fifteen
We know that she really did begin the beguine
On first meeting Bonaparte
She murmured "Hell's bells!"
You'll let down the throne apart
From everything else
Josephine

Josephine
Very seldom lost control
Though her wit
Was a bit
Over seasoned with sauce Creole

She very soon married this short young man
Who talked about soldiers all day
But who wasn't above making passionate love
In a coarse rather Corsican way

Josephine
Wasn't keen
She made an ugly scene
Then Napoleon cried
You are just talking through
Your Josephine
Josephine
Josephine
Though a queen remained at home
While her lord was abroad
Sending postcards in code from Rome
He often appeared with a three day beard
From Austria Poland or Spain
And one dreadful night
He arrived rather tight
Having mucked up the Russian campaign

Josephine
Turning green
Cried "Whatever does this mean?"
Then Napoleon cried "Whoops!"
I have lost all my troops
In the snow
Josephine