(as recorded by Noel Coward, 1931)

I've fallen in love with you
I'm taking it badly;
Freezing, burning
Tossing, turning
Never know when to laugh or cry
Just look what our dull friends do
They welcome it gladly;
Passion in a dromedary doesn't go so deep
Camels when they're mating never sob themselves to sleep
Buffaloes can revel in it, so can sheep!
Why can't I?

Any little fish can swim
Any little bird can fly
Any little dog
Or any little cat
Can do a bit of this
And just a bit of that
Any little horse can neigh
And any little cow can moo
But I can't do anything at all
But just love you

Any little cock can crow
Any little fox can run
Any little crab
On any little shore
Can have a little dab
And then a little more!
Any little owl can hoot, (too-whit-too-woo)
Any any little dove can coo
But I can't do anything at all
But just love you
You've pulled me across the brink'
You've chained me and bound me;
No escape now
Where's the crepe now?
When is the funeral going to be?

Whenever I stop to think, see nature all around me
Then I see how stupidly monogamous I am!
A lion, in the circumstances, wouldn't give a damn
For if there were no lioness he'd lie down with a lamb!
Why not me?

Any little bug can bite
Any little bee can buzz
Any little snail
On any little oak
Can feel a little frail
And have a little joke
Any little frog can jump
Like any little kangaroo
But I can't do anything at all
But just love you

Any little duck can quack
Any little worm can crawl
Any little mole
Can frolic in the sun
And make a little hole
And have a little fun!
Any little snake can hiss
In any little local zoo
But I can't do anything at all
But just love you