Versus Battle
13/08/2017: Oxxxymiron vs. Slava KPSS (English Translation)
[Intro]
– Ayo, introduce yourself
– Slava KPSS
– Yeeea. Slavik, what's up with this interesting merch of yours?
– That's Antihype merch. You're gonna see the fall of Tower of Babel, like on Bruegel's painting. I've got 56 types of weed in me, just like in my yeger's flask. Yeeeeah man
– Strange question, but what's your opponent's name?
– Tick-tock-boom, tiki-tiki-ti-punk, steampunk, bitch! That's how we're gonna call him
– Thoughts on this event? Your opinion on the battle of different battle leagues? Predictions on the result?
– My only prediction is 4:0, like in the match between SKA-Energia and Spartak that's gonna happen soon, it's gonna be kinda same. Damn, it's SKA-Khabarovsk now, sorry
– Aight, guess you gotta chill a bit. Good luck on the battle!
– Antihype!

– Salute! Introduce yourself
– My name is Miron
– Who's your opponent?
– My opponent is my old dickrider
– Why did you decide to accept to battle with him?
– Well, I didn't accept it, I invited him. He's a true battle MC, I never battled against those. They're people who can't really write songs, they're always battling, so they become sort of local gods, so I'm interested, just for the sport of it, to see how I'll perform against him
– You're a successful man, why do you need battles?
– I'm doing it just for the sport of it, as I said. I started with battles, I'm not stopping any time soon. Just to prove to myself, another check mark, another check mark. Or no check mark, I'm ready for whatever
– How does it feel to battle on behalf of Versus? Today is the battle between two battle leagues and we came here to fuck those guys from Slovo up
– Yep
– How do you feel?
– I'm ready for this
– Well, good luck then
– Oxxxy tour dot com

[Round 1: Oxxxymiron]
I'm here just for fun, really, just to mock a weak one
You crawled out of your mother while my Baban diss was playing in background
Accusatory pathos is zilch against the father
Those rhymes were written by drunk and high Kripl
You're funny, way too tall, and you're honestly clumsy
Your body reminds me of a pregnant heron
Unproportional, like your hype and your contribution into rap
Not A Cloud in Trousers, you're just a trend, like cloud rap
Here only for couple seasons. Where's your choker? Why?
You don't wanna go out of vogue, like Volchok clothes
The person who pushed you forward a year ago with just one tweet
Now will flush you away in the toilet
What an Irony of Fate, fascinating, isn't it?
Before battling someone, I have to praise him
To prove all of you that he can be the victor
Before crushing an MC, you have to love him in the beginning
I did great
I knew that Gotham needed a Joker
Who's against me. Full moon rising
The town cheers for him, a new character in the deck
But I'm the director myself, I created you, I filmed you
I'm Bruce Wayne and Christopher Nolan together
All roles are prepared already, yours is written from the beginning to the end
I needed an enemy? Voila!
You're a theatrical villain, your mustache fell off
Yeah, you're a Joker, but up my sleeve. Shave your ace
And get ready, Arkham gives you a free lodging
And my dick knows what's up with all these cuts you have
[Slava KPSS interrupts him]
I agree

I'm the master of promotion
You found the casting and started pulling off your underwear:
– Are you really the producer?
– Yes, I really am
I'll make you, son. You're my anal slave
Call me Fadeev Maxim
That's a fat promotion
I'm taking you off a cage by pulling the strings
How does it feel when you know that you're a marionette in the Jew's hands?
You hyped for a year using my name
Okay, I don't mind the hype
It's just sad that you're a miserable lackey
Couldn't go up yourself, still a nobody at the bottom
Your "fans" are angry that I don't release a new mixtape
Your eyes tell me that you wrote text for this battle back in December
Because the school of Slovo...

[Restorator screams]
IS THE WEAKEST LEAGUE IN THE COUNTRY

Yeah, we're about SlovoSPB. You got owned by RBL
I'd get bodied by Zabe, Teeraps, and Piem, if they tried
But the rest, all of you are mediocrities
30 weeks for the text, and then fake, pretend you just started writing
Been writing it in December, January, February, March, April
May, June, July. And thought, the text is ok, Tech N9ne, boo!
I wrote mine in a week, plus-minus two days
I'm afraid of you 30 times less than you're afraid of me
But don't be afraid. What do you have at stake, Olimpiyskiy?
Dozens of paid Petersburg people, who all depend on the battle
Who'll lose everything in case of a loss?
But an MC should be ashamed if he's been preparing for months
Memorized your lines? Good job!
[Slava KPSS replies]
Nope

The person frazzled by Ramzan

[Slava KPSS shouts]
Bodybag!

[Oxxxymiron repeats]
Bodybag!

When I invited him to battle, he was all about those ideals
But in a year you lost your way, Slava
What can a person, who repeated every mistake after me, in just one year, really tell me?
I'm nine years in this game, you're just helping me, slug
You, like myself, have changed? But the sales are still the same
You, like myself, have apologized? But no one even hit you!

Real talk, real talk

[Slava KPSS shouts]
Isn't it fucking wonderful, guys?

You, like myself, became a businessman, but still sound like a commissioner
You, like myself, were against that rap herd, but still recording with all of them
We're all hypocrites, because we change every day
What once was true, may change one day, perhaps even completely
But your worldview changed in a record time!
Bam! And you're on the stage
Bam! And you're recording with LSP
Bam! And you're releasing cheap clothes at Vitya SD's
The Flow is writing reviews, all good and real
But in a year underground cat became exactly what he had rebuked
And your idea, bled like Lyalya
You're throwing stones while sitting in a glass house
Was in the basement, but the attic got flooded
Searching for walls by running From Castle to Castle
But you build them on sand
And your showy kindergarten in your secondhand lyrics
Is obvious to everyone, believe me, it was boring to write a text against you
Even Johnyboy was more of a true guy, in comparison with you
Together, you should open a hookah-barber-sushi-smoothie-vape bar
Antihype? That's Vagabund, that's Vagabund
For people in backwoods who use Windows 3 with a dial up modem, while not knowing how to enable cookies
"We need more members", Booker taught you this way
You need to open an escort agency "Booking muzhchin"
And it's all giggles, but the truth hurts
He'll talk a lot, but he can't say much
You can dig up all the dirt and my dead friends
Can wash all my bones, along with dirty linen, cook your black kisel
Can find out with whom, how many times, and in what poses I had sex
But if you do this, you're done, too
Look, he has a girlfriend called Sasha Discotheque

[Slava KPSS interrupts him]
Not anymore, man, you're too late

[Oxxymiron replies]
It doesn't matter

Imagine how many punchlines about her I could come up with!
Or about ST's wife, it's so cute
But I came here to battle you, not her
Not your parents, not your mother's bank account
Not your promiscuous sexual behavior, Fallen doesn't count (here he is!) Fallen doesn't count

[Slava KPSS shouts]
Fallen! Fallen MC!

And he, who uses rumors about relatives, just shows who's the father on this arena
Think about it, lad, all you'll see is you getting promoted in MDK
How many millions I made last year – that's what Forbes and RBK are arguing about
Obviously, there's a bunch of rumors about me
I even stopped bringing groupies, what if they make a hole in a condom?
And then they will leak our photos to OK magazine, that's the dark side of being famous...
...just like his trip to Phuket half a year ago
Whoops!

[Slava KPSS puzzled]
What? Are you high? Are you high?

[Voice in background]
True story!

I have little birds too, and unlike yours they've got clip microphones on them
He thinks, "I hope he didn't find out about Golden Resort!"
Bro, there's no shame in it, there's no shame in it!
Let's put it this way. For a short time, and it was rather innocent
But he had a friend known as "the dancer"
Not really a masseur, not really a make-up artist, not really an exotic dancer
But that's not the problem, the problem was that he basically looked like a typical trans
Give me this folder!
Here. Now, I'd like anyone, who actually saw Karelin on Resort, to come here
Oh well, looks like there are none today, but a little bit more and y'all would believe me!
Battles with real facts! Battles with real facts!

[Voices in background]
Genius! Bravo! We need to think about this one

Battles with real facts – the gift for liars
The truth? Nah, just know how to present it properly

[Slava KPSS replies]
Yep

If you're gonna dig up all the dirt, searching in the garbage
You will represent not Slovo, but Podslushano Khabarovsk

[Slava KPSS cheers]
Yeeeaa. Nice!

So, basically, you have two lines of attack:
Either blame me for something you're even worse at, well, that's dumb
Or, like Cynics, be a dog, and come up with something rotten about me, shit yourself right here
Gnojnyj, your words are pure air
You look like E.T., but landed in Grozny, as it seems
It's easy to get in here swiftly, but as easy to get shredded
You had a decent year, it's not too late to leave
Time!

[Voices in background]
Slava, fuck him up! Slava, fuck him up!

[Round 1: Slava KPSS]
Slava KPSS and Oxxxy, the new punk wave
And everyone was waiting for a performance of the King and the Jester
Well, fuck this!
I declare, you're dead as a creator and you don't deserve to be honored as a cult rap singer
I don't accept your accomplishments, so when I spit my rhymes I remind you of your father
Let's talk about your album, analyze it in Lavrentiy Beria's cold-blooded manner
You performed poorly in your Gryffindor, if there's something Russians are good at, then it's destroying the empires
Everyone waited four years for it, he tried his best to intrigue them
And what he came up with? Recorded an audiobook
A trivial dystopia, by the way
That's the level of discourse of Jahmal and Loik
With a plot that any stupid whore could come up with
Your rap is cheap literature in paperback
It's just a bunch of the most boring cliches in history
Original plot: tragic love story in a dystopia
No one fucking came up with something like this before, right?
Neither Orwell nor Zamyatin
It's a pop motif everyone fucking fed up with already
But you said it yourself to Afisha, "It's not about how good an idea is, it's only about its survivability"
Well, if your music is a brand, then why don't I choose Gucci?
It's commercial too, just like your allegedly breakthrough album with the smart punchlines with a dash at the end
A used condom can make some noise too, if it ends up in a female monastery
I remember that fucking feeling when your fans started playing your album loudly in my house
It felt like I'm a honey dipper who got his annual salary paid in shit
Well, look at this little fuck who emerged as a king
Loved to drop names so much that he even came up with his own ones
So conceptual because you got tired of the craft
You ran out of ideas even before you started writing
Used to be "against everybody", now he's kinda our guy
The album is so crap that it got praised by Noize, you get it?

[Oxxxymiron intervenes]
Right in the heart! Right in the heart!

You said he was a graphomaniac to the core
And he praises Gorgorod, and not, let's say, your first mixtape
It's not a coincidence, Ogorod is a piece of grinded out shit
I don't see 11 tracks, I see 11 sentences for raping myself
You come up with new characters like a fucking cripple sculpts in clay with his stump hands
It's hard to mix up you and a poet, like a bag of dicks and a spinner
"A slim print of a shoulder", teachers, what a shame!
You couldn't see this in Pasternak's work, it's simply illiteracy!
A print of a slim shoulder! Fuck, writing isn't your strongest suit
You come up with not punchlines, but silliness like "handball world record"
The fuck is this? It's on your album
The fuck is this, idiot? Where's the work on the word?
Where are the unexpected meanings, man?
It sounds like a misstep in porno:
You thought if people lick your ass, you can shit on the tongue
And when you get a diarrhea, you know what will be the ugliest?
That all your trips into the toilet are connected with each other, even your shit is conceptual!
Fuck all the dumb politicians and all those greedy bankers
The worst are you, the creators of this indecent subjectivity
Where "third-tier remix of Yesenin" or top-tier one of Aldous Huxley
Have the social approval. But I don't fucking care about Jewish fairy tales
I don't listen to Gorgorod, don't read Torah, and don't hang around Echo of Moscow
Weird, they love the bald ones in the Right Sector, but they would still fuck you up

[Shouts to the crowd]
Hush! Hush!

For Brodsky-like graphomania, Yesenin-like shit-tier lyricism
Where are you walking the edge yourself? At the edge of a pool near a hotel?
Fuck, when you tell me that I'm not really a musician
And only live on some dubious hype
You'll basically describe yourself
After all, Gorgorod is not even a good calque, not a napalm, but a bubble gum
You just shit a bunch of liberal cliches
But writing dystopias, what kind of a protest is that, dumbo?
Useless like police shooting a gay parade with rubber bullets
You didn't spit from the barricades
And even your favorite Lamar said "fuck Trump!"
But for you "fuck up" is an open visors evening
Where you're afraid to talk freely. And even He Is Not Dimon to You
Is braver in this aspect than your fucking album
You're like, "I'm not a politician, I'm an artist, I don't write statements, I write tracks"

[Voice in background]
True story!

But like a politician you're a populist, otherwise why would you get into all this?
You were rooting so fucking much for Russia that you started nervously losing ganglia?
But when we had protests here, where you were? In England!
London, London, teach us how to live! How are we Rebuilding Russia without you?
You impose your dime novel as political satire
But don't call them by names, it's full of Jewish surnames
And we have a tradition in Russia, we don't call the names when we talk about a rat in our own collective
Meanwhile I bring you the revolution, like back in the days, straight from Tushino
The wheels of this cart are spinning. The Futurists threw Pushkin from the steamship of modernity!
And you kept Oxxxy. Because he's alive!
But he's just a living proof of how anyone can run out of ink and become a nobody in four years
Spent your talent, not on the hop, but on dope and dust
Your Oxxxy is just an inflated figure, like a glass rooster
Time!


[Round 2: Oxxxymiron]
Yo. He said he didn't listen to Gorgorod, but the spring will tell us who shit where
The whole your first round is a paraphrase of the track "Who You Became". Think about it

[Slava KPSS and Oxxxy]
– Nope. Nope, it's not
– Yes, it is. Relisten it again, bro
– Nope. I did listen to it

Anyway. Yo. Give me mic, start the cypher, let's hype
Let's offend mother and lie, steal and bite
Pour a tub of shit over the brothers, ghostwriter is found
Rhythm? Fuck it! On the battle, become more popular than aristocracy
So, stop it. Don't compare us
Back in the day I was anti-, was breaking their moral grounds
So I could shit on an average man – pioneer
I should have kept you as sperm on the bed
Since what was fresh back then, back in the years
Completely different now, unfortunately, unfunny stand-up
One thing is violating a tabu, turn the crowd inside out
Twist the listener with the power of words, eat their soul
And another thing is a conveyor of shit
No goals, only one idea: to get the most likes. Isn't it true
That like Ernesto you wanted to get on TV?
It's okay, I don't judge. Even though your duplicity is kinda awful
Actually, whatever, he's a swindler
Personally, I never performed on a corporate party
It's hard to hear for me when people are chewing
Never was on radio, was on TV only once
Even though I get a lot of requests daily, like it's PMs from lolis
Meanwhile, if you were me, you'd be singing in Golden Ogonyok right now
Saying "I'm here just to troll"
True, true story

[Slava KPSS replies]
Yes

To give you an idea, I didn't record with Major Lazer for 15 millions
You'd suck a black cock for pocket change from a sponsor, like the writer Limonov

[Slava KPSS pointing at Oxxxy]
Smart guy

And they say, "Mirosha, you crazy!"
Nope, I just don't like Major Lazer
They say, "you're a dumbass"
But true fans know, I appreciate them, Oxxxytentacion
I have three X's too, ayy
You'll disappear, like my mixtape
A lot of doubts, Miron, ayy
Who likes penises in his mouth? Gay
You've got a new release? Ayy
You've got a hundredth release? Ayy
If your rap is rap, then my rap if you're with me shout "ayy!"
Look, only SlovoSPB remained silent. WindbagsSPB
I will never visit you, like it's a school of MVD
Underdogs of battle rap? Nah, you're snobs without cash
Topical battle with Shurygina? It's the bottom of SPB

[Slava KPSS asking]
What does it have to do with me?

Nah, I'm not even arguing, Versus is bullshit too
With such an energetic start, it became a nightmare in half a year

[Oxxxymiron to Restorator]
You thought I'd give you a line and will remain silent?
Yeah, we're friends, but you shit on what we started together

[Slava KPSS talking to his friends in background]
Easy. Like I said, he talks about this shit

And that's not a stab in the back, Sanya, remember with Jan
How many times did I explain it to you?
Versus used to be a place where we'd find the new talents
Now it's a place where every mediocrity can get some quick dough
Where you can fall flat on your face, like Larin
A flock of blogger-fans will like these 5 minutes of fame anyway
Offbeat? Screw it! Reloads, reposts, BMW, BPM
Less rappers than sponsors. Circus!
What about rap-hagakure, the way of bushido?
I keep mumbling about the culture, like Redo bit me
"The old man is just envious of Khovan's and Eldar's success!", nah
It's just that all your idols have the same ghostwriter from Fresh Blood
And it's not a protest, I'm not hip-hop policeman
And when he doesn't offend the dead, Khovan is a pretty good guy
But since all of your bloggers and comics are passing through battle rap
Let's be honest and list all the writers

Easy, easy, real talk, real talk

But I believe, Versus will resurrect
And if it's not Slovo, then it's a bluff
Me and Sanya have a bunch of fuck ups
But wounded lion is still a lion
While a healthy jackal remains a jackal
You thought I'm afraid of somebody?
Your jokes, punchlines, Zamay and Berserk?
Bro, I've seen much worse, I swear!
Console yourself that you're still underground
And you're still on top
But I'm like NTV, who wants all the ins and outs of SlovoSPB?
Well, listen what happened five years ago
There was no Versus, no Slovo, rap was shouting "dat's what's up!"
Andrey Mikheyev knew, that I'm following King of the Dot since 2008, and told that to Hyde
Krasnodar is on the line, we spoke through Skype for 3 hours
Hints, questions, how to write texts for battles
I remember how I explained them that I'm tired of freestyles
All the schemes, flips, who to stand correctly
And we both were sick with this shit
Well, that's basically the whole story, how this project was born
I was there in the beginning, kiss the ring! Dat's what's up!
Since I was the consigliere of Don Anton, your godfather
Everyone who says "what?" doesn't know the history
Anyway
So, don't want to kiss the ring?
How predictable, he's not an authority to you
You wanna organize your own battle-quartet

[Talks to Den Cheney]
But Cheney, stop this bullshit, you knew
I kept the neutrality, but you keep misleading everyone
You and Berserk didn't just leave Hyde
Betraying father and the project
You secretly registered your rights for the project!
And I heard this story

Real talk, real talk in this bitch

First you secretly registered your right for the project
And I heard this story from you and PLC
You came up with a bunch of excuses, but I asked you straight:
If Hyde and PLC are really exploiting the weak, fascists
And you're innocent victims, slaves of the franchise
Then why didn't you create a new battle with a new name, but stole their name and registered it like rats?
And you know what he told me? True story:
"Eastern Roman Empire", remember?
We were sitting in front of 1703, Koryushka party, remember, remember!
"Eastern Roman Empire didn't change their name when they separated from Roman"
Well, Deniska, you're a bad boy, a radish
When I was partying with him, I kept my wallet really close
And thanks for the history class you read me generously
Unfortunately, pathos and demagoguery won't help you, Denis
You abandoned the ship and stole a loose lifeboat in a hurry
Brought a crew of midgets, kept telling us bullshit for years
And you didn't visit us to be friends, you hated us
Your tamed n***a Stefan and a pocket Jew Edik
You're forever in the shadow of your Big Brother
You're a calque, even while drunk
You're Restorator on minimal settings
You're not Slovo, you're not Versus, you're a fake branch
Impostors, the whole logo is full of someone else's achievements
Die, SlovoSPB!
You built a crypt, thought you could hide it from them
Your story, but sorry, bro, I'm gonna open up this abscess
There's an alchemy formula, what's on top is on the bottom too
If rats are controlling Slovo, what do you expect from the servants?
And in you, like in a microcosm, Slovo truly reflects
All your envious intrusiveness, along with your stung pride
What's there left for Gnojnyj?
Keep trolling and be always against something
Except you, sir, when trolling, you don't fight, you echo me

[Talks to Zamay]
If it's cool, Zamay, alright, continue
Continue offending me in vain, bro

Bullshitting about hype with Antihype you can't hide the lack of meaning behind the predicate
And I dunno why Jubilee found the feigned couldn't-care-less attitude
Dunno why Ernesto battled you like a you're an angry communist
You're simply empty, absolutely empty, nothing behind your soul, I'm sorry for it
You were spitting rhymes about monkeys, but you're a primate too
But you're a primacy of the form over the content
Diss after diss, after release, after mixtape, after remix. Your incontinence is so huge
That you've got diarrhea without shit, it's simply water. Instead of your ass you use your two hemispheres
You're not a byaka, you're way too fragile
Achilles, turtle, heel
Soaking up, like a sponge
But I'm gonna squeeze you, like a rag
You're cheap copy of Versus
You are a funny cosplay of me
Waiting for the new intro, where Cheney riding a Lexus around 1702 bar
It's hard to forget me, impossible to hurt my feelings, all your tries are off the mark
Miss Russia, Oksana Fyodorova, Sonya is here as an ugly friend
I'm not a partymaker, I'm a bodybagger
Antifaker, original Russian hater
My mother is Jewish, my father is like Drake's father
Bitch, I'm Ice Kid like Grime Kid and fuckin' bagging
Canning, motherfucking, Town, E16, baby!
Slava, it's time to go to bed, collect the stickers
But no matter what you won't understand how to write cool tracks
Since the only thing you're good at is battling and creating remakes
And me? I'm the Universal Soldier, the clubs won't be sold out
While you *spits* keep removing my saliva from your forehead
You dolt, we're family here, Obi and Drago are both friends
We're like The Three Musketeers from Remarque's and Dumas' novel
How do you say it? *pow pow* In your face with RPG
Your praised legion? Plasterboard and particle board
Y'all are just loudmouths with teen overblown ego
Versus is something SlovoSPB can never be!
That's it, that's the whole story with chronicle
And my dead homie aka Nikolay Gumilyov will help me with the epilogue
That's about you:

In olden days, when above the new world
God inclined his face, then
The sun was halted with a word
A word could destroy cities

And the eagle would not flap its wings
The terrified stars would cling to the moon
When, like a pink flame
The word floated in the heavens

But you have forgotten the word alone
Is numinous among earthly struggles
And in the Gospel According to John
It is said that the word is God

You have chosen to limit it
To the boring limits of nature
And, like bees in a deserted hive
Dead words smell bad

Versus!

[Oxxxymiron talks while brooming]
– I don't mind
– Could clean the sneakers too, while you're at it
– Nah, bro

[Round 2: Slava KPSS]
So well-mannered, huh?

Thought you invited me to battle. That's a brave deed as for a Jew
And then I realized, that's not bravery, it's just a common sense:
If you're fighting, you die faster
You reanimated my career, hyped it up to eleven!
One day I'm gonna write a book called "The tweet that changed my life"
But my grandpa is Johnyboy and he taught me, "don't believe the Jew
Cuz if he's throwing you a ring buoy then your career is sinking"
So no remorse! KPSS is in this skirmish
The only sober like it's a drunk fight
Remember the communist from the forum tore you a new one?
I'm not Baban's biter, I'm mimicking the maniac
Are you really an opponent for me, though, with punchlines about "this big"?
Imma fuck you up with whatever I have lying around
Here's a shelf full of your fuck ups, I'm picking a random one
You considered Guf to be shit, now you kinda admire him
"The burry talent", huh?
You'd be like "fuck it" towards the Russian rap, but it's a hard thing to do when you're castrated
Either you're a trimmer or it took you years to see Guf's talent, go figure
You represent this cheap shit called the Plastic World
And if the judges look at him lovingly then consider him a winner already
Knowing where the noise is coming from is your superhero ability
Oxxxy vane, he changes his direction even when someone is blowing a tailwind
Yeah, this soldier doesn't hold a defense
Fuck, even a pathologist gets under the skin more frequently than him
Can't say a bad word about anyone nowadays
According to the contract, you remain toothless, like Alexander Ovechkin
We're on the war here, yeah
And you ran away, leaving behind the outpost
You just stand aside and watch
Like those Germans who allowed the Holocaust
You say you changed the direction?
Nah, you only changed where you're rowing towards
Stopped fucking others' mothers, he's an adult now, what's next?
A battle every year, so what, where are the punchlines?
Your bars in battles are an ugly bride
Wanna marry her off, but she got nothing to ask the price for
And how a person can stand behind something if there's nothing to stand behind?
It's painful to watch your attempts
You get the battle contexts just as good as the dude in "Dad reacts to Versus" videos
Check it fucking yourself, fantastic Miron's punchlines without himself lose their shine
"You're not the creator of golems, but on this photo you're like a potter"!

[Oxxxymiron intervenes]
Top punchline!

And that's not the only one. The one about fucking "awl in the ass", "the bad energetics" one, "Gulkin's dick" one
If someone else used those, they'd send him to RBL

[Oxxxymiron intervenes]
– RBL respect!
– Fuck them

But not you, nah, since you came up with this obscene counting-out rhyme
What's next? On this battle you gonna fart in front of a lighter?
Or the one about pithecanthropus, bro
That punchline was really fucking dumb
I'm not Oxxxymiron, but
You guys perform like a lubricant on a dickhead
Exactly the same, absolutely no additional information
On his next album he's gonna rhyme, "We give you everything, like a passport in UVD!"
Or about fucking clitoris geolocation
Clitoris geolocation, wonderful!
So you don't believe in ZOG, but believe that a clitoris sends some information to a satellite?

[Oxxxymiron intervenes]
It was a joke, idiot

And his texts are full of shit like this
Works perfectly ofc, since he serves it with an arrogant face of an expert
"My flow is a DDoS attack, we've got the remote access"!

[Oxxxymiron replies]
So-so punchline, yeah

Remote access, eh?
You shitty scholar, we won't get far in space with specialists like this
DDoS actually prevents the remote access!

[Oxxxymiron talks to his friend in the crowd]
Jan, I checked this punchline with you, why didn't you tell me?

Or maybe "you're speaking too fast, and I'm listening too slow"?
They even made merch based on this phrase, for the smartest ones
But what you might not know is that this phrase was first used in 2010 by Nonna Grishayeva in the TV show Big Difference

[Oxxxymiron intervenes]
Dunno who that is, sorry bro

Yeah? So either you stole it knowingly
Or your level, scum, is comedy cud from TV
So those who get it and who can't stand the TV
Won't notice the difference if "City under the sole" is playing there the whole day
But Miron doesn't need punchlines, he's an interesting dude either way
Today you're watching battles without punchlines, and tomorrow it's gonna be porn without girls

[Oxxxymiron talks to his friends behind]
My texts don't have any punchlines? I don't get it

Personalities, personalities, personalities!
What are those fucking personalities?
They believe that I was drinking piss from a boot, and that you dated Sonya Grese

[Oxxxymiron shouts]
Never!

And that your mouth has so much protein in it that you can bake the full tray of meringue
Since battles are the after-truth territory
It doesn't matter which fact is truthful
So what's up with the personalities, fucking retard, it's all about the number of punchlines
I've got a full pack of equivalent bars, like it's Fix Price
If the king dies, the coffin should be king-size
Oh, you need a cupboard to keep the skeletons of those you've battled with?
I've got an interesting fact for you: I need 4 of those, since I've battled 16 times
And they put you against the wall with John
I guess out of this firing squad I'm the only one who has live ammunition?
They buried themselves, but you pretended like you're helping them:
You motivated ST, threw a ring buoy to John, was lecturing Kripl

[Oxxxymiron intervenes]
You're next, you're next, you're next. Let's do this, let's do this, let's do this

[Slava KPSS shouts at the audience]
Silence! Shut the fuck up, bitches!

Listen here, you fucking piece of crap, you can seduce others with your sonnets
I'm not Finland for you, so don't you, bitch, come to me with your pieces of advice
And stop talking about yourself. Fuck, I call you Dryomin
A battler is supposed to be a psychologist, and not act like he's visiting one

[Oxxxymiron addresses the viewer]
Hah! Remember this

If you forget about the opponent while battling him
Then you're probably jerking off near the toilet when you visit your girlfriend
And the she says, "Miron, let's move to my place?"
And you reply, "I don't wanna fuck with you, I'm here to improve my results from the previous sex!"
The father of battle rap in Russian, you produce some dubious stuff
Antihype is a social service, I take the parental rights away from you
You act like you're fighting for improvement, but it's all empty talk
You have never visited another battle league
How would you know if the culture is still alive if you don't measure the pulse?
Make battle rap great again? You don't even know that it's dying, no new talented MCs
Raytraun is battling at Versus now. We're doing the remakes of the old finals
In fact, we're kicking around the dead genre
Battle rap is dead, there's no underground
Meanwhile, mainstream is a shame, like Fresh Blood on blood
But if it's gonna die while being filmed
I wanna be the gun shooting at Brandon Lee!

Oh, and I wanna pronounce the time of death: 17:03!
Time!

[Round 3: Oxxxymiron]
Have you noticed this? Third rounds always hit the hardest
MCs always put some intrigue into them
But I'm a nerd, so I'm gonna sacrifice it, screw it!
I wanna talk about books

[Talks to Slava KPSS]
– You can take a nap in meanwhile
– Gonna humiliate me now, for Jacques Genet?
– Nah, nah, nah

There's this great book called The Hero with a Thousand Faces
I bet it's gonna sell well now
I read it back in Kiev this crazy spring
When I was deep in the solitude
The tongue left me, I was stuck
You don't know what it is
Everyone was wondering: drinking or preparing a new release?
Meanwhile I was there, just sitting on a balcony
(Those rhymes are so-so, right?
But whatever, they're true.)
That book returned me back to life
I realized that I'm still alive
And the same book inspired Lucas, back in the day, to write (Where's Obi? Oh, there he is) Star Wars
The idea is simple: in all mythologies, in all religions, no matter how many
And in the base of any story there's on motif:
Someone hears the voice from afar
He leaves the home alone
He takes the road out of the town
Goes straight into a forest full of nets
Finds some monsters on his way
He fights them, still alone
He's not a hero yet, he's afraid of everything
But he keeps going
Eventually, he finds the lair
It will be hard, but he'll make it
He'll kill the dragon, get back to home
But he won't be the same person he left
He'll sleep a bit, no doubt
And then will go out again
All the comic books are based on this
The TV shows, the layers of culture
The drug trips, the dystopias, the fairy tales, the fables, the sculptures, and the dreams
To the point that if you compare Egypt myths and Banditskiy Peterburg
You'll the the path of one hero under the disguise of these two
The path of the hero, killing the monsters
Collecting the treasures, building pagan temples
He's not a hero because he's ripped and he's a warrior
But because it can't be any other way
I remember the first battles in Russia
People thought you had to throw thousands dicks at the opponent
Then they started the deconstruction
Everyone would take the enemy apart
But behind all this kitchen psychology
Lies the collective unconscious

[Slava KPSS replies]
Oh yeah?

And behind any, even everyday one
Demonstration of negativity between two different people
You can see the ancient motif, collision of archetypes
The heroes, the dragons, they're still here
Even if the battle is in office between a stapler and a hole puncher
And the heroes are similar to the dragons, people mix them up, but wait
There's a fundamental difference between two
The dragon doesn't have his own way, doesn't have his own idea, no ideology
His role is to be an enemy. He's chilling in his lair, breathing the smoke with fire
Why doesn't, for example, Joker have his own movie?
Batman has one, Catwoman, Batman and Robin, but not him
Why is there no game where you're playing as a mushroom, jumping on Super Mario?
And if there was one, it would be a joke. Millions wouldn't be playing it
You get it. My analysis is rather simple
Gnojnyj, you're just one more level, but not the final boss
The hero isn't afraid to say I have the flaws, I'm vulnerable
That's why people will see themselves in him
They won't see anything in you
You're a snake, you're afraid of me and yourself
The only chance you have is to joke away, while mocking
You're a slippery bastard, can't catch you
Except it's not a feature, it's a bug, man
(Speaking of a programmer)
Because sarcasm is a shell, an armor, scales
But where are you, tovarisch?
I spit with the open visor, friends
Therefore you will lose
Maybe it's just the way it goes or the karma is just shitty
But you only played the antagonist's role
And that's the tragedy of Slava Mashnov, Karelin, et cetera
You are not an anti-hero, you are not a hero even
Zero empathy towards you
And crowd won't go after you
For them, you're just another person to follow in Instagram
You have no path, you used mine
But forgot that mine was sincere
Battle rap, black humor, and grime: where's Gnojnyj behind mockery and anonymity?
There's none, or he disappeared
You copied everything, even my gesture
Mister postmodernist, you are a compost, but shit-ist
All there's left for you is to be an MC on parties
(Fuck that, you don't have to make noise for that)
Oh, and maybe someone has noticed it
But my rounds have no mat in them
"How's that?", will ask me Gotham. "You're the author of that one quote."
It's simple: I'm battling against a shell-shocked, really bland rat
While obscene language is the crowning jewel of the great Russian language
Okay?
And let's say that today, perhaps, you will even defeat me

[Slava KPSS replies]
I will

I will get back to touring
You will get back to trolling me

[Slava KPSS replies]
Yep. That's fantastic!
Let's applaud the poet!

One hour caliphs, leaders for a moment
Look, ready to conquer the Olympus, while bragging about it
What?
My cake with candles is lit afar
I'm so old that "Black Star" for me is Talib Kweli and Mos Def

[Slava KPSS shouts]
Yeaaah, that's good stuff

And some voice is whispering:
"Drop this rap shit
Keep your trail clean
Before you end up degrading like brostep"
But the bunch of faces are blinded by the opposite light
Screeching, tears, underwear, we are a boy band
And you? You're momma's armchair critic
Listen, EeOneGuy
As Stalin once said:
"If you're criticizing something, then suggest something else!"
You gonna act like a fool, act recklessly
Doesn't matter, you're still in my rap coordinate system
If, one day, you come up with a different style
Because it's shameful to live by someone else's paradigm when you're 27
Then you will be on your own way, you'll be the protagonist of the narrative
Until then, you're what an ass came up with
Slava, Slava, you're jaunty and sweet
But take my organ out of your throat
You were a rather tall punching bag
I used to prepare myself for the battle with Dizaster!
Time!

[Voice from the crowd]
Slava, you're just a marionette!

[Round 3: Slava KPSS]
You're so fucking narcissistic, bro. "I'm grime!"
But if you google "grime", you'll see my video from Slovo
That's how you promote grime those four long years
You're angry at me, because I call my bullshit "grime"?
You're so dumb, you don't even get the joke, moron
I stole the dearest from you, like it's kidnapping
Because of me, grime in Russia is now rap battles with fast flow

[Oxxxymiron intervenes]
Is that your opinion?

Think I do this out of pity or because I wanna become famous?
I'm just laughing at you, you fucking bald female midget
And I'm okay with a status of Vkontakte-artist
While you don't get it, like a postmodernist any money in a pawnbroker's shop
You migrated to Russia, but your hair are in panic
Ran away to Europe, like Syrian refugees
What's next on the menu? Let's talk about your Aryan schnoz
If it decides to leave, you know, like in Gogol's story
It will go straight to Israel, to get the dough
Since your nostril looks like the cave Christ was born in
Fuck, only you can refrain from battling for a year
Tatu dedicated their "Malchik Gay" to you
I need The Easy Way to Stop Battling, since I fuck a bunch of battlers like you every day
There's a red dwarf in front of me, like I see Betelgeuse in the telescope
Hail you down with a bunch of punchlines, call it flow Mayweather
Bodybag, since I play battle rap frequently
My number of frags is off the charts, like I'm playing laser tag
Fuck everybody!
Keep talking about nihilism, but you can tell a denier since he's shining from the inside out
"Fuck mainstream!"... shouted this counterculturist during his battle against Dunya
Now, using myself as an example, he explained why this way leads nowhere
"It's miserable and awful, but why do I need this boiling shit?
I declined even Evening Urgant's offer!"
Declined, yeah? You're a Jew, remember?
Here you're so true, but behind the curtain...
You declined the commercial offers to get all the fattest ones!

[Oxxxymiron intervenes]
Real talk, real talk
What about you, though?

He went to Urgant, after all, but was outrageously... neat there
Wore a shirt with a dumb print
Damn, you showed them corporate pigs!
Take that, fucking cultural terror! Weren't ready?
If they invite him to Dom-2, he'll wear socks with sandals
Fuck off with your Showroom, stick your stock market data up your ass
I roll you into a shawarma and shove it in Khovan's throat!
Enough!
You meshed so well with the image of the saint buffoon, you'll feel a mild pain when I start tearing it off, along with the flesh
"My work with Reebok is to create something new and not grab the cash from the fans"
They take some old sneakers, put the Oxxxy logo on them, and then double the price!
Fuck, that's what you were fighting for?
Well, you're out of luck
You were a hungry MC, ate others, and became spoiled
It's really pitiful
To see a lonely and sad 30-years old man who drags a fangirl into his dressing room
Fuck it, I dedicate this to all the girls:

You like the Mayor's song so much
Don't know about postmodern rap
You go wild when you hear "Devochka-Pizdets" and go on Oxxxy's concert
But remember: even the prince can be a scumbag
And if he sees a princess in you, he's like a dragon
Can catch you and fuck you in the cave!
Yeah, in your very own little cave

So what about the battle with Schokk?
"He was like a brother to me, I'll never make a show out of it!"
Well, that's honorable, to not shit on those you were together with
But then you quarrelled with LSP and acted like Buzova at Lobnoe mesto
You released an hour-long video to throw shit at your former artist
Therefore that's exactly what your current artists can expect to happen later
Makes sense, right?
And at the end he said, "If we have to, we can solve this the other ways. It's not 2013, we're different now!"
Really? Are you proud that you're so brutal now you can beat LSP up?
Maybe you'll fucking kick Dzharakhov in his face too?
Or will leak a sex tape to fans?
God, no trans is trying so fucking hard to look masculine
Pretending to be a cowboy? Stop this shit
Only in Brokeback Mountain you could be the Red-ass Chief
You're spitting rhymes, you aren't robbing a bank
If you see a bunch of rods around you, then you're walking in a park
You forgot what the hatred is
In a beef, you're like a disabled person in a wheelchair
"The scum assumed my kindness was a weakness". Fuck, that sounds like it's from the Twitter of some whore from the block!
Called Sasha a toastmaster, meanwhile you performed your verse from the battle on Serebro's corporate party
A toastmaster!
True story!

[Oxxxymiron intervenes]
That was not a corporate party. I can prove it easily

More contests await! Turn off the lights
Whoever loses goes to Butyrka prison? Sure
After that situation with Chechnya, I'm the best at throwing a pencil into a bottle!
And you still live off that pretentious culture creator's shit, huh?
No self-irony, no mockery
"Porchy, Akela has missed!", when you're pissing past urinal
You narcissistic moron, that's not theatrical stage for you
But you spent more time in front of The Mirror than Andrei Tarkovsky
All those songs that are only about yourself
How you, alone, with a bag of polonium, for 6 years straight
"Didn't try to appeal to those who despised you at first"?
Dubious shit
Act in Zhigan's film? That's a really eloquent symptom
Apparently it's the only person in the world who has both Down and Stockholm syndromes!
Like general Vlasov, you are a piece of shit and a traitor
When you received the news from Berlin, you changed your side
Threw your friend away faster than the gangster his shawarma
I wouldn't let you to have my back, like you're a drunken tattoo master

[Oxxxymiron intervenes]
You were fifteen

And all for the stadiums and the loud crowds?
Olimpiyskiy will be a great coffin for an ego of your size
And when I think, "Stop! That can't be it! Oxxxymiron is way smarter than that"
I remember that you like Lyokha Med
That you praise Mozee Montana and dream about performing in Olimpiyskiy

[Oxxxymiron intervenes]
Yeah. Things, things

Fuck, you're as picky about your tastes as a young whore at a house party!
How angry he was when he couldn't sign Bumble Beezy
He chose... "Punchlines and Rhymes"
Your booking has a problem, Beezy is the Russian Lil Peep
But MCs aren't memes for you to steal them from "RiP"
Fuck, wanna earn money with booking? It's easier to earn money with Booker
Your shots are flat like it's a platformer shooter game
Rem Digga was rhyming about Donbass, people went into trenches after him
And the only person who did anything after you is Urgant, who drew a dick on his neck

[Slava KPSS shouts at the crowd cheering him]
Shush! Shush! Shush!

You didn't live near the verbal ore in a mine
But you're so fucking pretentious, like you were in the same school with Putin
"Only forward! Only the progress!"
But what kind of progress? Towards the Western sound?
Any newbie can make beats like yours nowadays
Towards quality? Well, we heard your tracks
You even admitted yourself they were mixed in a slapdash manner
So, what's up, stadium rapper? Where are you going?
You don't cut the window to the West, you're the Rat-catcher of Hamelin
You bring everyone to the bottom along with you
Like all of your new school. I've heard plenty of this stuff
If you wanna do like them, just be a McDonald's franchisee
If there is good kid, m.A.A.d city already, why the fuck do I need Gorgorod in my player?
Solving creativity challenges someone has already solved
Is like reusing a teabag
Yeah, you can do it, but it's not the same. Shameful stuff for poor rappers
Who lack any new ideas. You are not Kendrick Lamar in Russia
In your whole career there was nothing except for fucking self-reflection
"Me, me, me", all the stuff you recorded is about your own figure
You talk so fucking much about culture, but have you even tried giving it a careful thought?
No, you have not. Even in our shitty song about vape we've said way more
All your rap is about nothing, because it's about Oxxxy

So, fuck you and fuck Versus, with its submissive crowd!
I would rather die a fucking noname than become famous and end up being like you!

[Slava KPSS asks Oxxxymiron]
– Would you let me drink your water?
– Nah. I can give the whole bottle to you, though
– Thanks
– Won't drink from the same bottle as you
– Well