[Verse 1]
I wish I were a bird
'Cause if I were a bird
Then I could take wing high above you
You could watch my white wings flap
And I could take a great big crap
On anyone who tried to hurt you
But then I'd have to desert you
Flying southward in the fall...
I don't want to be a bird after all

[Verse 2]
I wish I were a dog
'Cause if I were a dog
Then I'd do tricks to show I love you
I could run and fetch the stick
And I could sit right down and lick my privates
When your Mom came over
But if I was your Rover
You'd have my testicles recalled...
I don't want to be a dog after all

[Chorus]
Lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai
Lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai
Lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai
Lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai
[Verse 3]
I wish I were a deer
'Cause if I were a deer
Then we could play out in the forest
'Til you shot me by mistake
Then you would carve me into steak
With a touch so sweet and gentle
Keep my head as a memento
Hangin' in the upstairs hall...
I don't want to be a deer after all

[Verse 4]
I wish I were a monkey
'Cause if I were a monkey
I could be your furry jester
And whenever you were blue
You'd come and see me at the zoo
My antics would be reassurin'
But I would always reek of urine
And throw my feces at the wall...
I don't want to be a monkey
I don't want to be a monkey
No, I don't wanna be no monkey after all

[Chorus]
Lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai
Lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai
Lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai
Lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai
Lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai
Lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai
Lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai
Lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai
Lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai
Lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai
Lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai
Lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai
Lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai
Lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai
Lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai
Lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai
(Lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai)
(Lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai, lai-da-dai)