[Intro sample from The Spongebob Squarepants Movie]
[Spongebob] Huh, I don't feel any diff- oh my gosh Patrick! You have a mustache!
[Patrick] So do you!
[Spongebob and Patrick] Ohh... Aww... Ohh...

I'm twenty-two and I live at home
And I hate my shitty job and shitty wage
I feel like I need an attitude adjustment
When the transformation's over you can see it on my face

Grow a 'stache and a beard and
Move out to the woods
Do the H.D. Thoreau thing and start feeling good
Disconnect the phones and sever all the credit cards

You hate the options they present to you
And everything is owned by someone lame
Here's a lesson how to deal with corporatization:
Stick it to the man because the man don't own your face

Grow a 'stache and a beard and
Move out to the woods
Do the H.D. Thoreau thing and start feeling good
Disconnect the phones and sever all the credit cards

You say they're not much different than me
I disagree. They're buying 200-dollar designer jeans
They drink martinis. I can't afford a shot of whiskey
The joke's on everyone but me
You wake up every day, and you go to that job interview. But before you go to your job interview, you shave off your beard. And you know what happens when you shave off your beard? 10 kids die in third world countries. 15 kids die in communist countries. and 20 kids die in socialist countries. Don't conform to Gilette. Don't conform to Schick. Don't conform to the Mach 3 Turbo. Don't conform to the Venus. Don't conform to the Mach 3, Don't conform to the Mach 3

MY BEARD OF DEFIANCE!
MY BEARD OF DEFIANCE!
MY BEARD OF DEFIANCE!
MY BEARD OF DEFIANCE!

And then when you wake up in the morning and you go into work and your friends say 'that's a shitty beard,' you say, 'fuck you! you're a shitty fucking... non-beard-having...

MY BEARD OF DEFIANCE!
MY BEARD OF DEFIANCE!
MY BEARD OF DEFIANCE!
MY BEARD OF DEFIANCE!
TAKE BACK THE BEARD! TAKE BACK THE WORLD!