[Verse 1]
You're walking in the woods
There's no one around and your phone is dead
Out of the corner of your eye, you spot him
(Shia LaBeouf)
He's following you, about thirty feet back
He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint
He's gaining on you
(Shia LaBeouf)
You're looking for your car, but you're all turned around
He's almost upon you now, and you can see there's blood on his face
My God, there's blood everywhere!

[Chorus]
Running for your life from Shia LaBeouf
He's brandishing a knife, it's Shia LaBeouf
Lurking in the shadows
Hollywood superstar, Shia LaBeouf
Living in the woods, Shia LaBeouf
Killing for sport, Shia LaBeouf
Eating all the bodies
Actual cannibal Shia LaBeouf

[Verse 2]
Now it's dark, and you seem to have lost him
But you're hopelessly lost yourself
Stranded with a murderer
You creep silently through the underbrush
Aha! In the distance
A small cottage with a light on
Hope!
You move stealthily toward it
But your leg! Ah! It's caught in a bear trap!
[Chorus]
Gnawing off your leg, quiet, quiet
Limping toward the cottage, quiet, quiet
Now you're on the doorstep
Sitting inside, Shia LaBeouf
Sharpening an axe, Shia LaBeouf
But he doesn't hear you enter, Shia LaBeouf
You're sneaking up behind him...
Strangling superstar Shia LaBeouf
Fighting for your life with Shia LaBeouf
Wrestling a knife from Shia LaBeouf
Stab it in his kidney
Safe at last from Shia LaBeouf

[Verse 3]
You limp into the dark woods
Blood oozing from your stump leg
You've beaten Shia LaBeouf...

[Chorus]
Wait! He isn't dead! Shia surprise!
There's a gun to your head and death in his eyes
But you can do Jiu Jitsu (You can do it)
Body slam superstar Shia LaBeouf
Legendary fight with Shia LaBeouf
Normal Tuesday night for Shia Labeouf
You try to swing an axe at Shia LaBeouf
But blood is draining fast from your stump leg
He's dodging every swipe, he parries to the left
You counter to the right, you catch him in the neck
You're chopping off his head now...
You have just decapitated Shia LaBeouf!
[Outro]
His head topples to the floor, expressionless
You fall to your knees and catch your breath
You're finally safe from Shia LaBeouf...