[Verse 1]
I know there's never been a man
In the awful shape I'm in
I can't even spell my name
My heads in such a spin
Today I tried to eat a steak
With a big old table-spoon
You got me chasin' rabbits, walkin' on my hands
And howlin' at the moon

[Verse 2]
Well sug, I took one look at you
And it almost drove me mad
And then I even went and lost
What little sense I had
Now I can't tell the day from night
I'm crazy as a loon
You got me chasin' rabbits, pullin' out my hair
And howlin' at the moon

[Verse 3]
Some friends of mine asked me to go
Out on a huntin' spree
'Cause there ain't a hound dog in this state
That can hold a light to me
I eat three bones for dinner today
Then tried to tree a 'coon
You got me chasin' rabbits, scratchin' fleas
And howlin' at the moon
[Verse 4]
I rode my horse to town today
And a gas pump we did pass
I pulled 'im up and I hollered whoa
And said, "Fill 'im up with gas"
The man picked up a monkey wrench
And wham, he changed my tune
You got me chasin' rabbits, spittin' out teeth
And howlin' at the moon

[Verse 5]
I never thought in this old world
A fool could fall so hard
But honey baby, when I fell
The whole world must have jarred
I think I'd quit my doggish ways
If you'd take me for your groom
You got me chasin' rabbits, pickin' out rings
And howlin' at the moon