[BERTHE]
She climbs a tree
And scrapes her knee
Her dress has got a tear

[SOPHIA]
She waltzes on her way to mass
And whistles on the stair

[BERTHE]
And underneath her wimple
She has curlers in her hair!

[SOPHIA]
I've even heard her singing in the abbey

[BERTHE]
She's always late for chapel

[MARGARETTA]
But her penitence is real

[BERTHE]
She's always late for everything
Except for every meal
[MOTHER ABBESS]
I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel

[BERTHE AND SOPHIA]
Maria's not an asset to the abbey!

[MARGARETTA]
I'd like to say a word in her behalf
Maria makes me laugh!

[SOPHIA]
How do you solve a problem like Maria?

[MOTHER ABBESS]
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?

[MARGARETTA]
How do you find a word that means Maria?

[BERTHE]
A flibbertigibbet!

[SOPHIA]
A will-o'-the-wisp!
[MARGARETTA]
A clown!

[MOTHER ABBESS]
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand

[MARGARETTA]
But how do you make her stay?
And listen to all you say?

[MOTHER ABBESS]
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

[MARGARETTA]
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?

[MOTHER ABBESS]
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

[MARGARETTA]
When I'm with her I'm confused
Out of focus and bemused
And I never know exactly where I am

[SOPHIA]
Unpredictable as weather
She's as flighty as a feather
[MARGARETTA]
She's a darling

[BERTHE]
She's a demon

[MARGARETTA]
She's a lamb

[SOPHIA]
She'd out-pester any pest
Drive a hornet from its nest

[BERTHE]
She can throw a whirling dervish out of whirl

[MARGARETTA]
She is gentle
She is wild

[SOPHIA]
She's a riddle

[MARGARETTA]
She's a child

[BERTHE]
She's a headache!

[MARGARETTA]
She's an angel!

[MOTHER ABBESS]
She's a girl

[ALL NUNS]
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?
A flibbertigibbet?
A will-o'-the-wisp?
A clown

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say?
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?

How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?