[Verse 1: Violent J & Shaggy 2 Dope]
Bitches get sprung when I walk by
I dunno if it's my ass, or maybe cause I talk fly
But no lie, as soon as I speak to 'em
They all want me to screw em
I introduce myself, and panties start falling
No dinner-dates, fuck stalling
Your girl, his wife, it don't matter
They all want this dick, whole platter
It's dangerous for any chick on my arm
Other hoes wanna cause em bodily harm
Maybe cause I wear my jeans so tight
But they all fight for the right to fuck me all night
These hoes wanna get us, any time, any place
And have clown paint smudged all over their face
They steal my number, catch me on the internet
And tell me all how their nedens are dripping wet
Bitches hang around my home like stray cats
Trying to catch a motherfucker shirtless
Could be my profile, or my haircut (what)
But I turn sweetie boos into sluts
I take it in in the butt is what the lady at the store said
Chick up at Walgreens offering head
I'm like "Whoa", and I'm getting free food up at Subway
Every bitch and her mama love J
[Hook (x2)]
I can't help but spring these hoes
And they all wanna fuck me
They come to me
And I'm quick to leave a bitch sprung
Boing, boing
And I'm quick to leave a bitch sprung
Boing, boing (Fuck these bitches!)

[Verse 2: Shaggy 2 Dope & Violent J]
Your old lady's got eyes for me
And I know when you're fucking her, she cries for me
Female judges sentence me to do time
I tell them all, make a singe-file dick-line
Ugly ducklings, and beautiful angels
They all dropping their thongs to they ankles
Maybe it's my cologne, RightGuard
I dunno, but for this dick, yo, they fight hard
Hoes love throwing they panties at me
Poop-stains and all, my brain's in awe
Is it my swagger? Or is it my juice? Why?
They want a piece of this wang-nut pie
I could be itching my athlete's feet
And hoes be like "Awww, that's so sweet!"
And everything translates to sex
Bitches begging me to flex my pecs
Slipping me digits, turn around and goose me
Fighting off ten at a time like fucking Jet Li
Shit's ridiculous, I'm like "Slow down"
I got plenty of pipe to go around
Two are in the kitchen, three in the bathtub
I'm with somebody fat wife making mad love
Real women of the worldwide Juggalos
You can ask my bitch, yo mama knows!
[Hook (x2)]

[Sample loop]
Oh, it's been so cocksucking long since I've tasted a big prick like yours!

[Hook (x2)]

[Outro: Shaggy 2 Dope]
Man, fuck all these fucking sprung-ass hoes
Yo, this bitch ain't gettin' no dick
[?] ain't gettin' no dick!
Fuck it!
[?] ain't gettin' no dick!
Look, I don't give a fuck who the fuck you are!
Unless you're on my dick, you ain't gettin' none!
And fuck you too, bitch!

[Skit]
[Jack]
Louanne! Get me another beer!

[Louanne]
I'm so sorry, Jack, but there ain't none left!

[Jack]
Come here, Louanne
[Louanne]
What?

[Jack]
Closer

[Louanne]
What?

[Jack]
COME HERE!

[Louanne]
What? (smack) (baby cries)

[Jack]
What do you mean there's no goddamn beer left? Dammit, you been taking my beers or something, woman?

[Louanne]
No, Jack! Honey, I swear it!

[Jack]
And shut that fucking kid up before he gets another whoopin'. (phone rings) Hello?

[Host]
Thiiiiiiiiiis message is for you, Mr Jack Brudman!
You've won a free all-expense-paid trip just for you!
You, Jack, are headed first-class to Ash, Nevada!

[Jack]
Ash, Nevada?

[Host]
That's right, bitch!
Ash, Nevada!
You are one of the few lucky big winners chosen to see the Dark Carnival's gigantic super-show!
We can't give you all the details now, but we can tell you this:
When you return from seeing the greatest show on Earth
You'll be bringing home with you a check for one hundred thousand dollars!

[Jack]
Woohoo! I'm going to Ash, Nevada, bitch!