New Zealand, New Zealand
You caught me on an awful day
My little life is all fucked up
My psyche is in disarray

New Zealand, New Zealand
I wish I could enjoy you more
I wish I had more time to see
Your cliffsides and your blackened shores

New Zealand, New Zealand
I don't know why I tour this way
Trapped inside an aeroplane
And Twittering the scenery

New Zealand, New Zealand
I feel like shit, what can I say?
My period is six days late
My pubic hair is turning gray

But I don't believe in the beauty standard
And there's no way that I'm pregnant
So it's technically okay

Everything is so beautiful here
The people on Cuba Street drinking their beer
I wish I could stay here and never go home
I wish I could be just like Holly Hunter in The Piano
And not have to talk to anyone
Even though there's technically nothing wrong with my voice
And just play piano and make love to hot local boys
New Zealand, New Zealand
You caught me at the end of tour
My willpower's collapsing
And I cannot do this anymore

New Zealand, New Zealand
My song is coming to an end
I hope you have enjoyed it
And I hope I get my period

I also hope I haven't grossed you out
But that's what you get
When you ask me to write a song about your country in twenty minutes