I play in a band
We're the best in the land
We're big in both Chelsey & France
I play one mean guitar & then score at the bar
There's a line o'chicks waitin' for their chance
So c'mon now honey
I'll make you feel pretty
These other girls mean nothin' to me
Let's finsh these drinks & be gone for the night 'cuz I'm more than a handful you'll see

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced, I'm soaked, I'm soiled & brown
In the trousers, she kissed me, & I only bought her one round

I can bench-press a car
I'm an ex-football star
With degrees from both Harvard & Yale
Girls just can't keep up, I'm a real love machine
I've had far better sex while in jail

I designed the Sears Tower
I make 2 grand an hour
I cook the world's best duck flamber
I take the pick of the litter
Girls jockey for me
I don't need these lines to get layed
So kiss me, I'm shitfaced, I'm soaked, I'm soiled & brown
In the trousers, she kissed me, & I only bought her one round

I'm a man of the night
A real lady's delight
See my figure was chizzled from stone
One more for the gal then I'll escort her home
Come last call I'm never alone

I've a house on the hill with a red water bed
That puts Hugh Hefner's mansion to shame
With girls by the pool & Italian sports cars
I'm just here in this dump for the game

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced, I'm soaked, I'm soiled & brown
In the trousers, she kissed me, & I only bought her one round

Eh,fuck it
Who am I shitin?

I'm a pitiful sight
And I ain't all that bright
I'm definitely not chizzled from stone
I'm a cheat & a liar
No woman's desire, I'll probly die cold & alone
But just give me a chance
'Cuz deep down inside
I swear I got a big heart of gold
I'm a monogamous man no more one night stands
Come on honey, lemme' take you home

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced, I'm soaked, I'm soiled & brown
In the trousers, she kissed me, & I only bought her one round

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced, I'm soaked, I'm soiled & brown
In the trousers (it was tiny!) and I only bought her one round

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced, I'm soaked, I'm soiled & brown
In the trousers, she kissed me, & I only bought her one round