Christopher Fitzgerald
Never Ever Getting Rid of Me
[DAWN, spoken]
Please, just take the mixed​ bouquet and leave! Just leave!

[OGIE, spoken]
Dawn!
(sung)
I will never let you let me leave
I promise I'm not lyin'
Go ahead, ask anybody who has seen me tryin'
I'm not goin'
If it seems like I did, I'm probably waitin' outside

Such a stubborn man you'll likely never meet another
When we have our family dinner you can ask my mother
She's the best
You'll learn more about her on our family history test

I'm gonna do this right
Show you I'm not movin'
Wherever you go, I won't be far to follow
Oh, I'm gonna love you so
You'll learn what I already know
I love you means you're never, ever, ever gettin' rid of me
You can try, oh, but I
I love you means you're never, ever, ever gettin' rid of me
[DAWN, spoken]
Ready for your check?

[OGIE, spoken]
Not quite. Pie for everybody!

[DAWN, spoken]
What?!

[OGIE]
I grew up an only child in the suburb of the city
I spent my days alone, my only friend was a stray kitty
Called Sardine

[ENSEMBLE]
Sardine

[OGIE]
Yeah, I thought it was hilarious to call a cat a kind of fish
She played hard to get, hissin' while she scratched me
What she was tryin' to say was "Ogie, come and catch me"
I learned quickly
That perseverance stood between a cat and her new best friend, me

Oh, I'm gonna do this right
Show you I'm not movin'
Wherever you go, I won't be far to follow
Oh, I'm gonna love you so
You'll learn what I already know
I love you means you're never, ever, ever gettin' rid of me
[DAWN, spoken]
When you say "never"...

[OGIE]
You can try, oh, but I

[CAL, spoken]
I love you means blah blah blah yip yap yap yap, now get back to work!

[OGIE]
Oh, you can try, oh, but I
I love you means you're never, ever, ever getting rid of me