[Chorus]
Aboard the good ship Venus
You really should have seen us
With a figurehead of a whore in bed
And a mast of a phallic genus

[Verse 1]
The captain of the lugger
Was known as a filthy bugger
Declared unfit to shovel grit
From one ship to another

[Chorus]
Aboard the good ship Venus
You really should have seen us
With a figurehead of a whore in bed
And a mast of a phallic genus

[Verse 2]
The cabin boys name was Chipper
A randy little nipper
He made a pass with a broken glass
And circumcised the skipper

[Chorus]
Aboard the good ship Venus
You really should have seen us
With a figurehead of a whore in bed
And a mast of a phallic genus
[Verse 3]
The first mate's name was Morgan
By gosh, he was a gorgon
From half past eight he played 'til late
Upon the captain's organ

[Chorus]
Aboard the good ship Venus
You really should have seen us
With a figurehead of a whore in bed
And a mast of a phallic genus

[Verse 4]
The captain's wife was Charlotte
Born and bred a harlot
Her thighs at night were lily white
By morning they were scarlet

[Chorus]
Aboard the good ship Venus
You really should have seen us
With a figurehead of a whore in bed
And a mast of a phallic genus

[Verse 5]
The captain's daughter, Mabel
Though young, was fresh and able
To fornicate with the second mate
Upon the chartroom table
[Chorus]
Aboard the good ship Venus
You really should have seen us
With a figurehead of a whore in bed
And a mast of a phallic genus

[Verse 6]
The captain's youngest daughter
Was washed into the water
Her plaintive squeals announced that eels
Had found her sexual quarter

[Chorus]
Aboard the good ship Venus
You really should have seen us
With a figurehead of a whore in bed
And a mast of a phallic genus

[Verse 7]
The ship's dog's name was Rover
We turned that poor thing over
And ground and ground that faithful hound
From Teneriff to Dover

[Chorus]
Aboard the good ship Venus
You really should have seen us
With a figurehead of a whore in bed
And a mast of a phallic genus
[Verse 8]
And when we reached our station
Through skilful navigation
The ship got sunk in a wave of spunk
From too much fornication

[Chorus]
Aboard the good ship Venus
You really should have seen us
With a figurehead of a whore in bed
And a mast of a phallic genus