[Round 1: Shuffle-T]
Yo, I'm in from the UK
{Crowd cheers}
Thank fuck! Didn't know how you'd react to me
You could've gone enthusiastically or just fucking booed me massively
I'm in from the UK, let me tell you something
That... Was a long... Protracted... Flight
I read War and Peace... In Latin... Backwards... Twice
You don't know the shit I went through to battle you
Half way into the flight we ran out of packaged food
But I maintain we did what we had to do when we ate that member of the cabin crew
Halfway into eating his legs a woman from the back came through like, "I found some extra sandw- oooh..."
So fucking bored of the flight I found a guitar and a man and fucking started a band
It was all going well, it was part of the plan
We released three albums, they were eating out the palm of our hands
We split due to creative differences when we started to land
Bored of the flight as soon as I fucking boarded the flight
Even turned around to fucking talk to a guy, I said, "How you doing?"
He said, "Well I turned 40 tonight."
I said, "Congrats" he said, "I was fucking born on this flight!"
I got so bored... I watched one of your battles
The fucking Disney sing song
That was the point I shot the pilot like filming a new sitcom
Fucking ripped that fucking plane out of the sky like I'm King Kong
I don't know if I said it yet right but the flight was a bit long
It's a miracle I got through customs
A fucking miracle it happened
They said, "What brings you to Australia?" I said, "Killing it with rapping."
They said, "How long to you plan to stay?" I said, "Til I'm finished snapping."
Under 'Occupation' I wrote I was a 'lyrical assassin'
Thought they might find it funny if they're a fan of my work
They thought they'd carry out a cavity search
When I crap now it hurts
But I'm finally here
Wasting a full 90 seconds with D now
This probably feels to you kinda like I'm wrenching your teeth out
Talking about how long it took to fly, collect and bring me down
Cause I couldn't think of enough shit for you to try and stretch it to three rounds
But I might talk about you being kind of old though
Oh, no?
You're so old though
You put the "old"... In "old"
What I call the "olden days" you call the "golden age"
Honestly man, you're actually double my age
I mean obviously you're not but after 40 who cares it's exactly fucking the same
I won't say you're old enough to be my dad, cause that's changing the facts
But you are old enough to be a mate of my dad's
You could go around to a dinner date at their pad and I'd be like, "Yeah that's fine. Nothing strange about that."
He met a gypsy woman who was gonna read his fate on his span
She was like, "This line can help us tell the age of a man."
She read it and then she was kinda taken aback
"It just says you're fucking old cunt" on the base of his hand
I'm gonna leave it there cause your beady glare and evil stare's making me really scared
(Time)
[Round 1: Dunn D]
So I put the "old" into "old"
Cunt you'll get decked in the pelvis
Like, pull your bloody head in, cock, and show some respect to your elders
Like, I might put the "old" in "old" but who cares you bloody weird meth head
Planz battled until he was like, 60
So I've still got a couple of years left yet
So, here he is
The pretty boy of battle rap, versus Shuffle-T
You think you're the pretty boy of battle rap?
Bro in your fucking dreams
Why don't you have another geez?
Cause I'm such an utter beast that once I leave the stage tonight
The females will all flood to me
Them sluts will be a 100 deep just begging for my company
So when you go home alone to your hotel and beat your fucking meat
That'll be the only time tonight that you'll be touching D
I am the true pretty boy of battle rap
You just bit my style you thieving cock head
When I walked into the venue you could tell that he was astonished
Just to see the body of such a sleek Adonis
Look more pruder than an Indonesian province
Got my Blue Steel Le Tigre popping, to be completely honest
If I ever needed dollars I could've been a model
But I didn't want to take the easy option
I got bitches throwing box at me like they kicking me out the house because I cheated on 'em
Shuffle-T is a Gromit
You know why he doesn't need to wear a franger with the whores he has sex with?
Cause his dress sense alone is a form of protection
And I only call into question all of your vestments
Cause with the wardrobe you're dressed in
I'm sorta suspecting that you have a more than extensive fedora collection
I'm sorry Shuff'
I tend to get a bit carried away with stuff
It's hard, you know?
Once I start talking about how I'm an insanely buff
Tasmanian stud with a facial structure ladies love
I almost forgot to say to ya...
Welcome to Australia!
I'm sure you've probably heard a couple stories 'bout our nation bruv
You're up against whole heap of gnarly shit so no-one can guarantee your safety cuz
But, I guess you laugh in the face of danger, huh?
Well it's almost like you tried to put yourself in the worst possible situation but
Between the bipolar Melbourne weather and the cancer causing rays of sun
The array of rough and shady pubs
The roaming packs of crazy drunks
The racist munted wasted thugs
Sharks and spiders, snakes and bugs
Plus now you're face to face with Dunn so it's pretty safe to say you're fucked
But when they told me I got Shuffle-T, man I could not help but chuckle
You travelled half way around the globe just to put yourself in a world of trouble
I could clip him in his chin just to watch his fucking helmet buckle
See his feet slide out from under him now you really came to Melbourne Shuffle
I know I tell all of my opponents I'll punch 'em
Honestly, honestly, I'm trying to make a change and take a stand lad
I gotta set an example, I'm a father now
Maybe one day I'll be a granddad
So as a testament to me stopping all this talk of violence in my damn raps
Just this afternoon I went out and got myself a new hand tat'
Oy! And if you think I only punched him in the arm cause I can
Just to put it over the cunt, well then you can't understand
It's that Circle Gang shit and that's all part of the plan
I got this motherfucking round in the palm of my hand
[Round 2: Shuffle-T]
This motherfucker just deaded my wing
I might just let the guy win, he's fucking terrifying
Dunn? Do you not get so fucking tired of being rigid and tensed up
Sticking your chest into your vest in a defense puff
You got a tattoo for each of the women you death punch
It's like your steroids are on steroids, it's pretty intense stuff
Of course you get reaction in Oz
It's a piece of pie like a pizza slice
People tried to warn me before I took this battle to seek advice
They said, "It's not that the Aussie scene has died, it's just seeming like it needs some life."
I said, "I'm sure that's not true. Who's your best battler?"
They said "Probably Dunn D"
I said, "Jesus Christ!"
"The scene has died"
If you spat that shit in the UK, the audience wouldn't sound so wild
Cause Dunn's 10 years behind and we grew out those styles
We wouldn't even save your battle to the download file
You would spit your best round and the crowd goes mild
But that's not the only reason I'm glad that I'm from England
Cause English people aren't constantly threatened by wildlife that's gonna kill them
If you win, I don't cry with my bloody eyes in sorrow
I'm just satisfied with being the least likely to fucking die tomorrow
Thought you'd go out drinking with the boys on a late night
You're rowdy as fuck your voices are raised high
You put your foot down on the field cause the soil's a safe sight
And then boom right there... Poisonous snake bite
Or you're just in your house
You expect that you're safe
You've checked and surveyed and inspected the place
And there's no sign of any fucking venomous snakes
And then OH NO, spider bite, dead in a day
I'm from the UK, die from a spider or a huge snake?
I'm more likely to die from a toothache
Drown in tea or somehow suffocate inside of my duvet
It's like fucking cane toads
Where I'm from toads are a joke
You kick a toad in the ass
We all go over and laugh at how hopeless they are
Slap a toad in it's stupid face, they cause nobody harm
Here they fucking kill your dogs by eroding their heart
It is fucking real shit
Crocodiles and tarantulas? That's making me sick
Dinosaurs and giant spiders? Are you taking a piss?
For the first twenty years of my life I thought they were a myth
And now I'm literally in the fucking place they exist?
So basically Mick, and I'll say this to Chris
You don't have to pay me a quid for taking the win, just save me from shit
I'm constantly paranoid of the cane toads, the ticks
The snails, the sticks, the snakes and the fish, all the Australian shit
It's a dangerous mix
Just take me to his, safe in the crib and maybe I'll live
And I know I haven't insulted you much this round, just been stupidity Dunn
And you're probably thinking if you diss me then you've instantly won
I assure you all of this is just a cute Englishman stunt
And though I haven't said it enough yet, I do think you're a cunt
[Round 2: Dunn D]
I don't care if you were classically trained in theatrical plays
I don't care if you got a high distinction in Speech and Drama back in the day
I don't care if your talent was naturally made for the cabaret game
And you get a standing ovation when you do Hamlet on stage
Cause I guess you're a chameleon of battle rap in a way
How you can drastically change your true colors through a gamut of shades
Like, one minute you're dropping gun bars in a gangster display
The next minute saying you love the cock like you have to be gay
So I'm surprised that when you rocked up to this battle today
That you didn't blacken your face and bring an aboriginal flag to the stage
And as the fallout on Twitter grows and Briggz will go attacking his fate with a rational debate
Shuffle casually says "Relax, it's okay. I'm not actually racist I'm just getting into character, aye."
Come round here comin' round here mate
Fuck the earl grey tea you sip in cups and the warm beer that you drink in pubs
Stop being a whinging bloody prick for once and shut the fuck up about the cricket bruv
Cause if there's two things in this world that absolutely shit me Shuff'
It's people that are intolerant of other people's cultures and bloody English cunts
So, when I heard that England left the E.U. and what the Brits have just started
And the repercussions of the Brexit and what it did to these bastards
And the fact it means a lot more Pommies will be living in hardship
I fucking cracked open a V.B. and pissed me self laughing
Up until then, the Aussie dollar fared pretty poorly to the pound
Y'all had one of the world's strongest currencies and all of you were proud
Til the Brexit fucked that up, the bank froze all of your accounts
And your economy and all its glory started falling to the ground
But see, when I heard that shit I was walking on a cloud
Like, all my Christmases have come at once, it was as awesome it sounds
Cause now when I go to England in December I'll be balling up in style
And I don't mean buying bottles of French champagne so I can pour a couple out
Just means if I go into a pub in London and I order me a stout
I won't have to put a second mortgage on my house just to afford the fricking round
I don't hate all English cunts
That's too broad of a statement
I just find that Brexit shit fucking hilarious before you go calling me "racist"
How you cunts dropped the E.U. and they all call it a failure
While we all drop the A.U. and started calling it "'stralia"
Plus, if Tassie ever got told to "fuck off" by our Victorian neighbours
Shit, we'd bring boatloads of inbred bowmen to your shores and invade ya
So the next time Shuffle flies in Melbourne airport he'll be sure to embrace it
When he sees a big sign that says, "Welcome to Far Northern Tasmania."

[Round 3: Shuffle-T]
Since Brexit, the UK's still nearly as liveable
You won't be allowed there
Nothing to do with Brexit you're just clearly a criminal
Now I heard it was winter in Australia, so I started packing some sweaters
A coat made out of Italian leather and an umbrella
To make sure I wasn't caught out by the lack of good weather
Then I remembered... I'm from fucking England
Turns out I'm not the most practical dresser
I've been sweating like Rolf Harris standing together with an under 13 year old family member
Sweating like Steve Irwin in the deep water animal center
To battle Dunn D
A man who makes Iggy Azalea look like a national treasure
And that's Dunn spelled "D" with a capital letter
Cause what are you 38 or something? You've been rapping forever
You've been going for like 20 years and you haven't got better
What, you think life begins at 40 applies to your rapping endeavors?
Do you think your career is just gonna suddenly fucking magic together?
50 isn't the age of Amped Up's average member
So you're not gonna be able to handle the pressure
And you can mark my words like a language professor
I'm like a lion and fucking Jesus got sandwiched together
You're like a shit rapper and an even shitter rapper got mashed in a blender
We're about to see him collapse in the center
It'll be like watching Michael J. Fox practicing Jenga
It's every celebrity I can think of, ever
You'll get slammed in the cellar, strangled, dismembered
Stabbed in the chest, and shackled in fetters
I came to Australia to give these people a clash to remember
And this average contender doesn't match my agenda
Can I remember the next bit? Can I remember?
Yes I can, I can, I remember
I'd let you off with a warning like a traffic inspector
But you got a head I wanna take off and I'm an avid collector
I'd let you go back to your crackling embers
Unless you try to bite the hand that feeds you like Hannibal Lecter
And by the way, Dunn D? Least original name for an Aussie battler ever
You definitely need to get better to me
The letter's a D cause getting a D is the cleverest he could ever achieve, it beggars belief
So unintelligent he finds picture books too high a level to read
His wife comes home and sees him watching Sesame Street
But it's not for his daughter, she's in bed and asleep
He's just trying to get to grips with his alphabet in the week
And keeps on getting fucking stuck at LMNOP
I'd keep going but you're angry and you're hencher than me
So fuck it
The battle is pretty much over
So tomorrow afternoon... Me and you go get a barbecue
Hang out with a fucking cask of goon
I'll buy you a fucking lager too without you even me asking to
I thought Fosters was popular out here and everyone drinks it but you hardly do
I'll come back to fucking Australia in a couple years
Go to Tas' and then Darwin too and we can cuddle up like Koala's do
I'll let you blow my didg-ar-idoo
Something, something, "kangaroo"
Um... Boomerang backwards is "gnaremoob"
Fuck it, it's over, it's crystal clear, let's disappear
And go drink a beer and argue over who has the shittest beard

[Round 3: Dunn D]
You're fucking lucky you weren't mean about my wife and daughter
Or you can get punched in the jaw
And it ain't even me you gotta worry about, me fucking mother-in-law
She got a sixth sense, she'll just know if you're talking any kind of shit about her girls brah
And appear on this stage out of thin air and fucking put you up on Worldstar
Now, if you didn't know, Shuffle: tad obsessed with battle rap
Just a tad
And he's a passionate guy
He tries to bring battling into nearly every facet he finds
He'll just walk up in the street to the first random he spies
Like, "Round 1 on Shuffle-T" starts attacking with rhymes
Say what you will about Shuffle but he's the battling type
I mean, next to him I don't even really know what battling is like
What's it like bro?
You do a battle a day and a fucking battle a night
Every conversation you have is a battle of minds
Codix ain't need to pay an airline when you travelled the sky
Shit, you just rocked up at the service desk and battled for flights
Plus you literally went to a wedding when they were getting married and tried
To fucking battle the groom and then battled the bride
See, I remember my wedding day... One of my happiest times
But if some fuckwit rocked up on that spectacular night
And tried to battle me right then took some jabs at my wife
I'd fucking pull out a blade like, "Cunt battle a knife."
Until he's lying on a gurney trying to battle for life
Fucking ruin my wedding cunt
So I guess we both take battling pretty serious
But homie you in a different zone
So I get tatted up with my family's names
And fallen soldiers in the ink I chose
While you get tatted up with "slow it downs", Diz's jokes, Clips's quotes
And got a back piece of Hollow Da Don half naked in a suspicious pose
He probably answers with "Talk to 'em" any time someone calls this dickhead's phone
He got Don DeMarco to your message sound and "bbbbllattt" for your ringing tone
I'm the type to rub one out to a big titted ho that's getting boned
You the type to rub one out to a fucking video of Chilla Jones
You identify as "bar-sexual", that's what that faggotry is called cunt
Trying to pass it off as just a passion when in reality it's more but
See, my greatest wish in life is the one I be having for my daughter
That for any dream she ever have her daddy can support her
Well your greatest wish in life ain't for your loved ones or your family at all bruv
Your greatest wish in life is that they make "lyrical" into a category on Pornhub
You bloody word playing fingering muppet
If you saw me watching the Manaz/BK battle making some spastic faces
It's cause I think their rap's amazing
If you saw him watching that battle making some spastic faces... It was premature ejaculation
That's how I know this lad's a flamer
Cause he masturbates to raps from Vega
So I'm just giving you this battle as a massive favour
And you can chuck him in the wank bank for later
So I'm real glad you made the trek to this event and you're here Shuff'
But saying you'll beat me, is like saying we both have exceptional beards bruv
I'm the fucking best up in here, so I'm respected and feared: Dunn
So respect where respect is due
Go get me a beer, cunt!