new earrings / new ring formation / new kiss goodnight / most weekends / still falling asleep / in the middle of the bed / sometimes / i am / little lady / who wishes herself a flower / that wishes itself a balloon / how always want to grow / high / get above it / i am / not here / to look at the dirt / beneath anyone's fingernails / oh / the tricks we use / to distract ourselves / how they don't even work / i still dream of / you / sometimes / i wake up / with a / basketball inflated / in my chest / sitting atop my rack of ribs / waiting / for an invitation / to dribble / on your court / of course / at your court / it's patio weather/ like / all the time / right / imagine me / sticky as a popsicle stick / with feelings / all / parched hands & clammy tongue / hungry for a kiss / then / there is the dream / that reoccurs / the wicked game / where you pretend / you are a ghost / & i talk to myself / in rooms full of strangers / or the impossible dream / where your hand slips / & your fingers / weave / easily into mine / or / the one i am inside of the whale's mouth / i yell out / for you to come join me / "I'm sorry, it's so dark in here" / I tell you / but i am not sorry / for the darkness / only that it makes you so afraid / or / worst of all / the dream i cannot seem to wake from / i am jumping days like hurdles / for months & months & months / to get over you / why do i think it's possible / to write the bricks out of a wall / why i am banging my head / against a brick wall / begging / please please please / for a different memory / one where the lilac wind did not lick my eyelashes / that way / where i look at you / & in my head Joanna Newsom does not sing / 'you are starry starry starry' / i know / none of it makes sense / i know / trust me / there is no sleep for this lonely / no birds / this morning / only the sound of my upstairs neighbors / making breakfast / at least / they aren't using the blender / at least / their baby girl isn't crying / & neither am i /anymore